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Archive for June, 2013

Growing weed ….

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 Tommy O’Neal ain’t the only Fenotee with a green thumb . Cousin “Chase a tiller ” is quiet the horticulturalist himself ..

  In the words of a successful farmer , Uncle Ray …. “Keep it flat boys …so you can brush-hog the whole family garden when the weeds overtake you “..

   I can’t readily identify this particular strain of weeds , but my hat’s off to the Chaser …he’s really got a nice stand !

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   Stamp-licker is M.I.A….he survived the perils of Viet Nam in the 82nd Airborne , thirty years as a postal employee slave , and thirty years under the thumb of the original St. Francis , but yesterday’s Convee parade through the “bowels” of down-town Bowie finished him off .

  He was faced with an insurmountable dilemma while piloting a borrowed convee Caddy along the common parade route … He could either break ranks of the orchestrated convoy , or drive directly through random piles of horse and mule excrement ..( road-apples ). neither of which is an acceptable event in the eyes of a die-hard perfectionist ..

   Drawing scorn from fellow drivers for swerving in his lane is not an option for the military discipline instilled in the war-time veteran … however , driving a spotless tire through steaming piles of road-apples is equally unacceptable behavior for the starch and polish of perpetual postal pencil pusher…

  apparently the stress of the mule-dung obstacle course was just too nerve-racking for the former stamp-licker … he was reluctantly driven to strong drink !..

  The public humiliation of driving a car with fresh guacamole on all four wheels has driven the stamp-licker underground … rather than withstand the unfortunate embarrassment of unavoidable tracks through the green stuff , Baccus has gone M.I.A. …how humiliating !

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 Somehow Tom has managed to crash a steadily gaining nation-wide corn-futures market , with only twenty thousand ears of free-corn .. He’s flooded the second-Monday market along with Armstrong’s and Brookshires produce section..national corn prices have taken a deep dive…

  Nothing remains of the gargantuan trailer load of corn but a few scattered shucks and tassels on the front steps of the Prime-Cut ..Throngs of unsolicited moochers clogged the parking lot to gorge their grocery sacks on Tom’s hybrid hog-feed..

   Tom’s CPA is scratching his head at the prospective losses incurred from a bumper crop ….knowing that next year Tom will surely plant eight rows rather than four , to meet the deep-freeze demands of Montague County Moochers … It was good !

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Riding in Style …

Don’t pay the ransom ..I’ve escaped …

   Perhaps the readers of this often ingenious blog feel slightly neglected as of late .. The only thing more disappointing than a routine bad blog is no blog ..but you see I’ve been extremely preoccupied for the last few days..and I apologise for the political silence …

 My excuse , the dog ate my homework !

   Number one borrowed granny’s truck to haul some discount dinning suit he had stolen from an Air Force  jet-jockey on E-bay .. during that impromptu transport of the almost stolen goods , the rear door electric window on granny’s truck unexpectedly went south , and stayed there.. it fell into a bottomless pit often spoken of in the old testament , where there was wailing and gnashing of gears ..

 I made an appointment for repair at Patterson’s of Bowie on Thursday morning…. two hundred and seventy-nine dollars later they had the window rolled up along with the contents of my pocket-book….They called Friday morning with the news that our truck was ready to roll..

  We arrived at Patterson’s mid morning and left the dealership Friday afternoon in a totally different vehicle .. Granny traded the white one for a sandy one …with Serious radio ..and blue tooth capabilities   

    It’s all greek to me.. The radio is serious ? and has a blue tooth?  I suppose it’s am/fm with Rush Limbaugh and T.D. Jakes , playing the blues …but she’s excited ….

  We met a young man , a fellow Goldburg Bear named Colby ….he is an extremely cordial  fellow with an uncanny flair for selling cars …If you’re thinking of changing rides , I recommend you see Colby at Patterson’s Jeep Ford Chrysler Dodge Studebaker-Whippet Dealership in Bowie …

   You’ll like this gentle Bear..and you’ll go home in a new ride if you half-way try …

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Garlic Breath …

 John Card-well and I missed the golden opportunity to upgrade our community status last night , as four car-loads of Italians and Square-Heads ventured to Krum Texas to savor the entrée s at the new Italian Restaurant just west of the four-way-stop..

  Rave reviews from raving Red-necks may not be the prime referral in your eyes , but in these here parts of Montague County it carries weight .. Ed loved the Garlic-Knots , but then he’ll eat garlic on Twinkies ..

  Herky Biffles , Becky Holland , Ogles and Henleys , and a balance of Italians including Kattle-Kate and Bill Bill , all bearing bottles of wine and ravenous appetites for Sicilian cuisine, traveled to Denton County for the evening meal…They all ate like Ed was buying , cause eventually he did …or so he said …

  Two Krumite bus-boys carried the empty wine-bottles to the recycler , in a pick-up truck . Becky was Tom’s designated driver ..

   He said she never ran off the road once on the way home , but how would he know ?

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 Aaron Hernandez’s downfall can be laid at the feet of a consistently coddled male ego.. the arrogant millionaire had no idea he could be caught or punished for murdering a friend that had disrespected him ..after all , he plays for the New England Patriots …. He still has no clue …..What a waste !

 His professional experience as a tight-end will serve him well in prison ..

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    Zimmerman was identified as a “creepy-ass cracker” in court today by Travon’s witness , but Paula Deen was excoriated for using the “N” word twenty years ago .. equal justice under affirmative action !

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