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Archive for July, 2017

Several theories have been offered up concerning last night’s break in at the Ultimate Store…..where video surveillance cameras were torn from the walls…wires cut… alarms dismantled….and an undetermined amount of pictures of dead-presidents absconded …

Kerry’s point… For the last few days Tommy O’Neal has been cooking off a fresh batch of his award-winning Spice Pickles during non-business hours at the Prime Cut Pickle Factory and sub-standard eatery…..who shares a common structure with the Ultimate Store…

Therefore, his prime suspects are of German descent… ” Squares ” who mistakenly broke in to the wrong end of the building in search of the coveted “secret recipe”…

Other theories include the possibility of an inside job…. Could Buyer’s remorse spur the Secret Cell to commit Insurance Fraud…? Might Tommy O’Neal be an accomplice in the crime of the century for Montague ???

Is there alternative motives for Ben Dover vacating the nation at the precise time of the crime….establishing alibies for disgruntled sausage customers ?

Why was Herky Biffle’s ATM left unscathed , while the floor-safe containing fewer dollars was pried from its lodging place, and wheeled to the get-away car in a mop-bucket ???…. That’s suspicious activity right there…even for the Most-seasoned Square-Head..

Colombo was unavailable for comment at news time…. he was greasing Big Bob’s Government door-handle when news of the break-in went out on the scanner…

Tom’s offering a Free Steak Dinner and a quart jar of Dago-Pickles , for any information implicating a “Square” may have done the deed…

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Bar Talk…

Ed to Dick Coleman….I’ve tried drinking Coleman Lantern Fuel…but frankly I find it less satisfying than Miller Lite…

Dick back to Ed…. it’s better as a mixer rather than drinking it straight…

20228705_1520955134594536_1122939857247521675_n Grade-school Pals

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Both Corporate leaders of Custom Water Works are out of the country…literally , for a week in Canada..

Junior and Senior are spending the latest rate increase monies on infrastructure improvements such a liquid alternatives to their state sanctioned monopoly…..

Ben and his son, Lean Dover , are consuming copious amounts of cold beverages in search of a suitable disinfectant for treatment of local water supply….testing the blood-alcohol level at which water born bacteria succumb to disinfection..

The cutting edge scientific experiment should guarantee all local water customers that their monetary sacrifices are being wisely squandered….on minnows and cheap booze…

 

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Here I set at the head of the table…Hat in Hand… ready for a huge helping of humble pie..

Seems Number One has a problem.. Rent is due on his storage buildings down Grand Avenue… Ed holds the lease on both buildings …

#1 purchased a house in Iowa Park… ready for the moving day on Saturday.. in Dire need for a trailer.. #1 says put the bee on Edward for the use of one of the multitude of trailers owned by Custom Water…( previously know as Ben Dover Water Company)…

I dialed Ed up…explained the circumstance… and asked to borrow his two-axle trailer to oust #1 from my refrigerator… Long story short… let the bargaining begin…

Ed agreed there is one way , and only one way , that #1 can use the corporate trailer…

Offer a complete and total retraction of the previous blog casting me and my corporate position at Custom Water Company in negative light… The burrito kitchen is a local landmark …and prone to stay another ten years at their current location under the current binding lease agreement…

Here we go…. All those vicious rumors about Ed previously written by the Poison Pen on and his rag-tag blog site, are absolutely false…second hand information felonious gained by overpayed informants with little to no professional respect for journalism or the unbridled truth….

Herky Biffle and Tommy O’Neal are not to be trusted when it comes to factual reporting… these unscroupulous malcontents have spoon-fed me bad information about Ed’s position in Custom Water Co.. and his total disregard for Betsy’s Birthday..

Ed’s a model citizen.. trustworthy and honest by the harshest of derogatory German Critics.. a real Pillar of the Community… a Diamond among all Fenotees…and besides , he has a 22 foot two-axle trailer which me and #1 intend to borrow on Saturday..

I may waffle and bend a bit , but seldom do I break… Tom won the battle , but Ed won the War..

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Ed has yet another foreign fishing retreat planned this summer…. Problem is…. Betsy’s Birthday falls during the time he’s scheduled to be on some remote Canadian wilderness lake with Big “O” , Bub and the boys.. drowning his troubles and a few fishing worms…

In order to make amends he bought her Diamond…a diamond shaped Pizza with two toppings discount…

However , this diversionary tactic is merely a ploy to disguise the real purpose behind the trip…

Seems a prominent school-board member is using this occasion as a discretionary decoy ….to get Ben outta town while the real Real-Estate deal can be consummated.. Ben Dover is about to be shrewed out of the Burrito Kitchen… ( prime commercial location SOLD to MISD while Ben is watching his bobber in the Canadian Out-Back )( Inside Trader )

 

The Hostile Takeover is picking up the pace… gaining momentum…Looking forward to a New Gymnasium at the four-way stop sign in Montague… while Ed’s soaring with the Eagles in Canada, the Montague Eagles are making plans to trick the elderly trickster..

The Tennessee Rebel has taken the Corporate reigns….and the prime commercial real estate location across from the Courthouse will soon be bouncing Ben’s balls all the way to the Playoffs…..

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Garlic Shucker…

Late today Ed lodged an official complaint that pictures of him were noticeably absent from recent blogs and news articles..

The following is a composite of Ed’s most strikingly athletic photographs..

14522870_1118700478197784_1439803644762967165_n-athletic-supporters

IMG_0042 more fishy

13654392_1038168352956805_1025423192206893669_n Smelly Fish

20160721_161800_1469139106096 Oil Scam

IMG_1809 Mystery Man...

Based on popular demand , this could be the last printing of Ben Dover’s photo album..

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428789_3106175107290_388820061_n   ROY

Little did I know that this candid moment several years ago would become a cherished treasure in my memories of quality friends…the kind that need not remind you that they’re there , but the kind you know in your heart you can depend on…

For those unfamiliar , that’s W.A. ( Willy ) Duvall on the left , and Jimmy Harold (J.J. ) Jones on the right… sopping up my grocery budget ….

Both have now taken up residence with our Lord… where I believe both are still mooching free meals at every opportunity….

* Note Billy Henley at the feed-trough there in the background….He’s not above accepting vitals on the other man’s tab either..

Love these guys…all the way to Bellevue and half the way back..

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