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Archive for August, 2007

six-man slaughter

  tonight is the first performance of the winning season for the gold-burg bears… they’re taking on notre dame at seven-thirty at corpening stadium in stoneburg texas…. i know what your thinking !!  that’s a long bus ride from euclid ohio to stoneburg…

   coach clay said he wanted a tough schedule to get the boys ready for the district championship run…. what better place to start than with a college team….

    the bar-ditch boys will be there in traditional fashion….  leaning against a truck on state right-of-way… eatin chili dogs and yellin for the bears… city-folks call it a tailgate party..  we call it  ”  end-zone indigestion “

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taylor-trivia

  the pitcher with the lowest e.r.a. in the new york pennsylvaina league wears the number 35 and calls bowie texas home…..calls me popa… cream rises to the top…

    with seven days left in the season, taylor finally qualified for the  ” pitching leaders list ” and went straight to the number one position….only the number of innings pitched has held him from receiving this honor several weeks back..

   he’s started eleven games..pitched 52 .2 innings… has 1.37 earned run average….( ridiculously low e.r.a. for the minor leagues…)   what can i say ??    God just continues to bless him in his quest for the major-league!!

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    airport expansion was the topic of last tuesday’s council meeting… they’re kickin around the idea of building a restaurant at bowie municipal…

   i’m wondering just how many duties can the air-traffic controler perform at the county’s busy airport ??

  bishop has already got a full plate… fueling those commercial flights… runnin the weed-eater… washing the wind-sock.. and servising that late-model courtesy car…

   surely they can’t expect him to flip burgers and overhaul airplane engines at the same time… he could get chipper’s order all messed up !!

   put crisco in the crankcase during the dinner rush…or jet-fuel in fryolater… just too much pressure for a man that’s accustomed to a short nap right after lunch…… they’ll surely have to hire some well endowed lady to help with the dish-washin chores…

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   willy and deacon jones were at the coffee shop this morning… all excited about the season opener tonight  against north-west…

     they were discussin the road trip to the game and where to dine before kick-off…

   the jackrabbits have a new quarterback this year,willy says he’s takin us to the promised land… hopefully that’s in the end zone..

    that price kid is the man at the helm this season.. he throws that pigskin on a string… a rocket with pin-point accuracy…by the way , he’s willy’s grandson… the son of a quarterback…

     the weather forecast is good… the sports forecast is even better…willy and the deacon were practicin the wave right there in the coffee-shop…the waitress mistook the deacon’s hand wavin for a revival meeting… said she had a couple of indescretions to confess…. busted up the booster-club breakfast….

   oilcan killen was sittin in the back booth… he left too !!!

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gaulded granny

   taylor pitched again last night in auborn new york… six more shut-out innings in the books… seven strike-outs… no walks… five hits..

    granny was listening to the game on the computer while watching the box scores on a second site…

   the releiver for heath gave up three runs in the seventh inning and threw a couple of wild-pitches before being pulled in the eighth…

   somehow the official score keeper got the releivers stats posted on taylor… granny noticed it on the box-score…… went nuts !!! she got busy.. went to the site of the auborn double-days , found a phone number for their stadium in new york… dialed it up.. they answered it on the first ring… low and behold!! it was the guy in the press box… the official score-keeper.. she dressed him down pretty good for postin that other guys screw-up on taylor’s stats… he apologised and promised to rectify the mis-Q..

   sure enough in about ten minutes time the website had been corrected..

   i couldn’t beleive it… granny set those new york boys straight on keepin stats… she’s been keepin stats on taylor since T-ball….recognized and rectified the mistake in a matter of minutes at some stadium in new york…

  don’t mess with granny !!!

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i-da-hoe

   what about that slimey senator from idaho ??  larry craig .. making disgusting  advances in a disgusting place against some dude in the airport men’s room stall next to his….

    i’ve visited one of those places.. only briefly… never found it stimulating or erotic… just one step above an out-door toilet..  hold your breath while taking care of business..

   little did he know the dude next to him was an under-cover cop.. he pled quilty at the time but now has recanted his story….

    let me get this straight…. he was guilty that day of crapper-stall perversion.. but now thinks he did’nt actually mean anything by it…

   i guess he was campaigning… trying to gain support from the “gay” community… flirtin with some dude while he was on the throne….he did after all give the cop a business card during the arrest ,to show his implied superior status…

   this whole story smells worse than his chosen place of romantic advances…..  tell it to your wife there jethro…she ain’t buying it either !!

   i’m just sorry this dweeb is a republican , and his name is larry…

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helmsley’s hound

Go to fullsize image     leona helmsley passed last week….she croaked !! she’s the lady who said only the little people pay taxes… spent a year or so with uncle bud for income tax evasion…

   the reading of her will took place yesterday… she left two of her grandkids  nothing… the others got five million provided they visit grandpaw helmsley’s grave-site at least once a year…  she left the lemo-driver a hundred thow… and her beloved pooch got twelve million… a maltese dog got seven mil more than the grandkids…

  at least we know our embezzled tax money was spent wisely…. thanks to “the queen of mean”,  this long-haired biscuit biter can now afford to hire some german sheppard to do his lickin for him… have his own fire hydrant….. hire a pac of pit-bulls to chase cars while he lays on a satin pillow……. maybe get a couple of humans for pets…..twelve million!!!!! how much would that be in dog-dollars ??…

  

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