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Archive for December, 2010

Commercial…

  2011 marks the beginning of commercial advertisements on this financially failing scandal sheet.

                                      LUNESTA…. sleep aid..

  If you have trouble falling asleep , take two Lunesta and enjoy comatose slumber..

   Side effects may include aggressive behavior , depression , hives , diarrhea , stomach cramps , nasal bleeding ,dizziness , fainting , seizures , asthmatic attacks ( possibly fatal ) and blurred vision… or changes in personality….

     Do not operate heavy machinery such as dozers , cars , tricycles , scooters , skate-boards , or Murray lawnmowers while taking Lunesta…

  Other than bouts with those trivial symptoms…. You’ll sleep like a rock…. swept off to eternity on the wings of Lunesta….

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Breakfast…

  Start the New Year off right ….in moocher-status… Saturday morning at Ed’s soup-kitchen…New year , same old tired menu….  He said scratch-biscuits , but failed to mention exactly what it was he’d been scratching !

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Cracker shortage…

 

Herkies Blog debuts tomorrow..Entitled Equine Extrusion.. his first chosen subject matter pertains to wilted lettuce and blue-cheese..He’ll be discussing the disappearance of traditional salad-bars in local restaurants… encouraging the near-riot condition of Grumpy Old Men…

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demolition derby……

 Regrettably this unfortunate tale is actually more fact than fiction..One of several intelligent college graduates that frequent a local tavern made a wiry near-lethal mistake…his historical reputation of sound decisions is now in jeopardy…his averarge cut by six..

  After a lengthy binge at the bar , state mandated closing time abruptly arrived… the duo of fric and frac proceeded to frac’s house where the disrupted drunk-fest continued til two in the A.M.

  Fric boarded his ride and headed west through uncharted territory. Each passing mile added more false confidence and more acceleration… He successfully reached the end of state maintenance and continued west on unforgiving gravel… anxious to reach the safety of home.. when without rhyme or reason a Tee in the road lay just ahead…

  Through the fog he could see the ditch approaching… hog-wire and t-post , stock panels and rolls of barb-wire… He began to skid across the intersection into a four-foot ditch , out the other side and through the stockade fence…

  After an unknown passage of time , he finally freed himself or so he thought… back on the roadway he now headed south… what’s that unfamiliar noise ? He was dragging two-hundred-yards of crumpled fence beneath his car… wrapped around the drive-shaft..

  Just prior to the first glimpse of day-light , after profuse bleeding and profane verbal assaults, he set the battered car free…left the scene of the crime…still unidentified !

 Aftermath investigation yielded precious few clues, except for a battered and bent illegible licence tag wrapped in tightly wound barb-wire.. there in a nest of bent metal and horse-shoed tee-post lay a disfigured license plate.. discretely announcing I’m OK…. lahoma.

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 Just two more hectic shopping days for seasonal purchases of New Years produce … Cabbage and black-eyed peas are flying off the shelves  in festive preparation for the dawn of 2011… Stock is practically depleted at the Ultimate Store…just a few worm-infested heads remaining… grass-hopper scarred cabbage from Tom’s organic garden.. culinary culls from a dry hot summer and gyp-water irrigation..

  Discounted displays of black-eyed peas line the narrow isles at the Ultimate Store… purple-hull peas trampled by white-tail intrusion …cultivated at random by havalina’s ..dried in the shell midst rays of July ultra-violet … all natural , no preservatives and no perspective purchase…

   It’s time to seriously consider the pending resolution… quit drinking and smoking and cussing  in 2011 .. all those undesirable character traits that often offend , given up in simultaneous sacrifice for the first fifteen minutes of the new year… eat healthy and exercise , yeah right !

   What the heck… it’s hopeless… Light one up …and pass that damn bowl of stinking cabbage and cow-peas. Another series of repetitious resolutions shot to hades…

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Good people gone bad….

 What a diverse gathering of  the Mutual Admiration Society at Tom’s most generous contribution to Montague County.. The Prime-Cut Bar and Steakhouse… established in 1990 , buffed to a fine luster since that first apprehensive day… now a proud landmark to extravagance and political opposition on hwy 59 in Montague…

   Tonight’s first-team roster included several outstanding players on offense…Brian and Biffle… Kathy and Bill …Kurt Mc Carty and the Beemer..Hoot Mekins… Tommy O’Neal and Shadey Eddie…

  Ed bought the first round including my $3.50 cup of black-coffee…then Brasher arrived … the conversation turned from Biffle’s Blog to Caesar salads or the lack thereof….

   Tom chimed in with a political diversion… ” Obama has saved us from economic disaster ”  he said…

   but rather than calm the salad situation , he merely redirected the anger towards Washington… the salad-bar mushroomed…tempers flared , things got loud… I looked at my watch… ….I left before Herman and his six-gun arrived… Hard liquor and political unrest.. not a good combination…without a salad-bar…

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Lost and Found….

  Disheartening news came via an undisclosed informant at mid-afternoon today.. an unsubstantiated rumor but at least a probable half-truth .. worthy of embellishment on this factual blog site…

  Seems the economic down-turn has finally found its way to Montague … resulting in a temporary lay-off at the communities leading employer , Ultimate Oil…

   Senior construction consultant , Frito Fred reportedly got the axe after a decade of dedicated selfless service… His retirement package and severance pay likewise were pinned by the projectile axe… thrown maliciously with precision and preconceived intentions by Brady O’neal…

   But not to worry , the recent deflection/demotion by Mr. Coffee 2 left a coveted vacancy at the Big Bank… Frito has already interviewed for that distinguished position ( standing position) by the front door pot-plant …and his prospects for gainful employ look particularly good after being told by the Big Branch President that he’s a comparable replacement for Yarbro.. possibly even more influential in the community and no visible desire to play golf….

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