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Archive for August, 2009

colorful contestant

  allow me to dedicate a few short lines to the noticeably unusual appearance of the square-head brisket king from east germany… herkie biffle… ( what was his momma thinking… herkie ? )

    seriously….if you’ve never seen a rotund german in a florescent pea-green wagon sheet , wearing bright orange hand-sox and short britches , directing traffic at a state highway intersection for elderly widows and infant children in down-town montague , in a hard-hat… then you’ve obviously never met herkie biffle …impersonating a state highway employee…

   his uncommon profile and coveted brisket cooking talent are unique to muenster texas .. herkie’s home…he’s the c.e.o. for several successful subsidiaries of the oilfield industry…. that’s chief entertainment officer…. he drinks an orange juice and hard liquor concoction from a calibrated glass four cup measuring devise with a pistol grip handle… he’s more than a little bit different …

  he made the thirty mile trip to montague in his highly customized eighteen wheeler cooking wagon…. complete cooking and sleeping accommodations… confection ovens and four-wheelers all enclosed… roll-out porches and corporate sponsors… custom paint and proved brisket rub …oil-field grade generator…..it’s impressive !

    he parked east of the windmill headquarters… totally blocking any morning sun or easterly view from our low-budget cooker location….but totally worth the trade-off … herkie is like having a rogue armadillo in the camp.. providing visual humor … endless stories…..award winning advise… modern utensils in triplicate…and a truck-load of convenient select spices…not to mention orange juice in bulk containers…

     despite having air-conditioned motel-six in his cook shack , i never saw him sleep… he stayed on the prowl all week-end… pricking the italians about their obvious lack of tolerance to strong drink and inferior cooking techniques…. herkie got my vote for most unique and iridescently colorful guy at the show…

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  all was quiet when i rounded the courthouse this morning at five-thirty on my way to work…. the smoke cloud from portable cookers had cleared , illegally parked vehicles were gone , oddly dressed folks with dogs on leashes had dispersed… there was no visible signs of all the unbridled , uninhibited fun that transpired there over the last three days… montague has reverted to the secluded lazy township of our memory… stray dogs have policed all discarded bones… few if any reminders  remain…

   many first time visitors and reunited citizens of earlier days gathered in unison to celebrate the goodness of life and flame cooked beef in the shade of the stately historic court-house… if your week-end was dull or lethargic , you failed to attend ! …. laughter , music , and smoke filled the northerly breeze with pleasantries for all the senses… appetites were squelched by culinary efforts of well seasoned chefs… thirsts for fine barley and childhood memories were temporarily satisfied…

  it was great from friday noon til sunday noon  .. hat’s off to brady o’neal and all concerned for breathing signs of life and youth into our sleepy little town , at least for one memorable week-end in august …the nay-sayers will soon forget , but we never will !  ….thanks for the monumentally difficult task well accomplished …

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  little-danny’s milking another man’s stock through a five-wire fence in west germany…

   he came through the wild-fire festival on saturday morning … pulling a utility trailer , loaded with one of those zero-radius mowers… ed called to see why he didn’t stop by… he said he was headed to the lawn-mower repair shop for an un-scheduled oil change…

  three and a half hours later , he came back by headed home….. enough elapsed time to drive to windthorst and mow a dairy-queen’s lawn…or have the oil changed by a one-armed blind man with a crescent wrench….. which do you suppose ?

  he did bring her to the band-stand show on saturday night… under the cover of darkness , for selected viewing by tight-lipped critics… i was not among the privileged few … 

 ed said she was sightly even in poor light…then muttered something about how long would a dairy-farmer keep a two-titted dry cow in her production herd ? …whatever that means ?

   was he talking about danny…. or the dairy-queen ?

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all in !

  not since the days preceding felix gillette’s exposee in texas monthly has illegal gaming been so open and so abbrasive , in close proximity to school property…in montague..

  friday night’s pre-cooking happy hour turned open casino , under the weather seasoned front porch of Andrew’s Annex … anxious victims engulfed the circular table for a lesson in chance …in full view of a gallary of  fan’s and passer’s-by..

  i reluctantly staked carolyn with a fourteen dollar advance….on some chuck-chuck masonicly conceived spinning top-game … each player would antee-up a dollar , then one would spin chuck’s six-sided brass token , depending on the varying inscribed messages on each side , either all players would feed the kitty , or the spin’ee could drag a dollar or the spinner take all …etc.

  this unfortunate display of illegal activity continued for a couple of hours as players consumed adult beverages , laughed annoyingly , and exchanged wealth for poverty , within fifteen feet of the junior high property..

  fate determined the one sided out-come … ed called for a substitution in the line-up…brought in a sober ringer.. hoot  mekins , to attempt redistribution of his own by-gone wealth…futile exercise !

   interest finally faded in the shamless gaming activity…each gathered their modest winnings and posted I.O.U.’s … carolyn and i parted for home..

   as she was disrobing for bed , thirty eight dollars and some small change fell from undisclosed locations… she picked those unwilling bankers and the wind-mill salesman like so many pilgrim’s chickens….then picked up the windfall on the floor….

    when i asked about my original fourteeen dollar stake , she replied… oh ! i lost that early in the game , this money is mine….

   count me among the featherless pilgrim chickens !

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pay-day loan

    i needed gas on saturday for multiple trips back and forth between home and the brisket-cook-off  , but incidental expenses had already consumed all my pocket cash except for a couple of c-notes… i was unsuccessful in finding a willing money-changer to break my hundred dollar bill , so instinctively i borrowed twenty from my son , #2 .

  the week-end was drawing to a close and i still had not received change for the hundred to repay david , so i borrowed twenty from ed to repay David before he left town…

  finally sunday morning i made my way to bowie and got change in the process…when i arrived back at cook-off headquarters a crowd of several locals still were engaged in reflective conversation …

  rather than publicly humiliate myself by repaying a loan in the presence of millionaires , i took out a twenty and gave it to ed , saying i wanted to offer some financial assistance for all the hospitality he had demonstrated over the week-end…

   immediately ed took the ball and began to run with it …. loudly belittling the circle of millionaires for allowing a lowly water-plant employee to donate modest funds while they sat like statues on large wallets…

   reluctantly , chipper dug out his folding money and donated a hundred to ed’s open palm… two-shirt’s, not to be out-donated by the likes of me or chipper , offered up a hundred as well…!

  ed had  regained his twenty and cleared two hundred ……i’m not sure what the current interest rate on a two-hour twenty dollar loan would be , but i’m thinking not even local loan shark c.r.t. clears that  2% on a short-term loan…. them unsuspecting boy’s were fenoglioed in broad day-light , in the presence of multiple witnesses…. how permanantly humiliating is that ?

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breaking camp

   mass Exodus is top priority today… the well beaten path surrounding andrew’s apologetic annex will once again sprout new life to sand-burrs and goat-heads , but not til next spring…

   excess traffic , smoker-grease drippings , and backed-up sewage from ed’s solitary functional toilet has successfully killed all traces of vegetation within a twenty foot radius of T.J.’s corporate fruit stand..

     the four-way stop became a log-jam shortly after day-break today , as cook trailers followed motor-homes back to civilization…by-passing the complimentary parting breakfast being served at the wild-fire wind-mill headquarters… where chipper slaved over hot steel… cooking stir-fried bacon and scrambled eggs for fold-over tortilla’s..

   various locals made timid trips to the podium yesterday… receiving proper accolades for their culinary effort…. nuther brother’s team of tucker and chase-a-beer won coveted ninth place and a couple of final table nominations for ribs and brisket… they abducted rickey lewis to tucker’s travel trailer, taped and bound his extremities , then water boarded him til he revealed his secret rub ingredients… placing them in the winner’s circle…

   ed’s multi-numbered team , with sixteen matchingly dressed assistants , parlayed  his vast cooking experience , secret spices and liberal bribery funds to several bragging-right’s plaques and awards…

    wichita fall’s favorite mason… talking-man… chuck-chuck-the-woodchuck , brought his professional chef… mrs. chuck-chuck and her renowned secret-masonic jalopeno bean recipe… she cartwheeled ed’s bean’s into oblivian and assumed her rightful place in the winner’s circle…

   my patented beans were  great on wednesday…. but lack of room in the corporate fridge forced me to leave them cooking til time for the judging … they were slightly over-cooked … incinerated.. dehydrated and disqualified for being black-beans by the official judge at noon on saturday…

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short schedule

precious little time to blog…. the wildfire bbq cook-off is getting under way.   my mom is in the hospital ,two brothers and a son camped at my house… #1 grandson arrives today at dfw , from phoenix …gotta pick him up…

    i’m cooking beans and potato salad… thawing brisket, ribs , chicken , and sausage , and it’s six in the morning… still gotta cook breakfast , and visit mom at  bowie memorial…. lot’s of ground to cover in a short while…

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