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Archive for August, 2013

Birdy Schlitterbahn

 A Hundred and three would be extremely good if that was my grade on an Algebra test …. but as external temperature it literally sucks the life outta humans , cats and dogs , and our winged feathery friends …

  As a token of empathy on the day before Dove season , I rigged up the yard sprinkler to spray the lower branches of the stately Oak overshadowing the cement bird-bath …

  I had no sooner turned the well water on and assumed my position back on the porch , than the pages of “Stokes Field Guide” came to life before my eyes..

  Cardinals …Chicadees…Painted Buntings ..Hummingbirds … Titmouse …and a family of Pelicans …

     wooops ! got carried away .. there were’nt really pelicans, anyway birds of all sizes and colors began filling every available drenched branch for their appreciative turn under the rotating shower-head .. Perched and preening …with no alarm concerning the sleeping cat on the patio … they were eternally grateful for momentary relief ..

    I know your concern … No , this was NOT metered water from Ed’s lucrative enterprize …that would be cost prohibitive … the birds would just have to roast… except for the cold sparkling water from Grumpy’s comprehensive alternative …Plan “B” ….flowing refreshingly free like the Lord intended ..

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Syrian Solution ..

 Obama has regrettably painted himself into a corner , with few options to alter the outcome of the civil war , or dethrone the Gooseneck , or strengthen America’s political profile in the Middle East ..

   Tomahawk missiles cost 1.5 million each … we have five warships loaded with ninety missiles each drifting off shore in the Mediterranean Sea …

  The cost of saving face is astronomical .. and virtually no significant change will result from this post-sequester military action…

 Why not board Joe Biden in a two-seater Cessna … launch him from the flight deck of the San Antonio … to fly directly over Bashar Assads presidential palace and drop a twelve pound pork roast down his chimney , much like Ronald Reagan did Gaddafi back in the day …

   We could save hundreds of millions in missile expenses and deal Assad a fate worse than death , while finding practical production for V.P. Biden ..

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Grand Theft Auto …

 What do you make of a local veteran who traveled to Dallas for a Dr.’s appointment at the Veteran’s Hospital , and had his Tahoe stolen from the parking lot in broad day-light ?

    Unless they’ve moved it since the last time I was there , the V.A. hospital is located in Oak Cliff…..the car theft capital of North America..

  After a 2-hour trip to the hospital and spending several hours in the waiting room , said veteran finally got a visit from the Navy saw-bones …and a thorough lengthy examination .. before walking the tiring distance back to his trusty Tahoe in the parking lot…but the Tahoe was nowhere to be seen ….Holy Pennsylvania , the Tahoe is gone…

  Said Swabbie relived his morning entry into the parking lot in his mind … He distinctly remembered parking the Tahoe right here by the deciduous Ball Cypress tree …where this familiar Chrysler La Baron is now deliberately parked…

 Oh wait …. I didn’t drive the Tahoe , I came in the Chrysler just like this one… and here it sits right where I left it … can’t believe I walked by it three different times in search of the Tahoe …

   August heat exhaustion is common in Texas , but then again , Yankee transplants are too …diagnosis pending…

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Range Report

  In preparation for tomorrow’s opening day of dove season , a trio of munitions experts and their elaborate scatter-guns converged in the war-zone at Sunset for a sequence of clay pigeon shooting challenges today …

  The brothers three , Beemer , Ed Notee , and Ron Walker….expended several boxes of  discount shells on a plethora of soaring clay targets in order to polish their skills for September 1st….

  Conflicting reports came to the editor’s desk only moments apart … Beemer said Ed was totally eliminated after only a couple of stations .. providing peace of mind for any apprehensive doves living in dread of tomorrow’s opening day …and sweet revenge for any ridicule cast upon the dry cleaner in the previous outing …

   Ed said he out shot the Beemer in 15 of 17 rounds …literally took the Dry-Cleaner to the cleaners once again with his dust-covered shot-gun and virtually no aid of Neatsfoot lubricants ….

  Side Bar……. Exhibit A …..No report has been forthcoming from the Lib Lawyer .. giving clear indication that the modest mouthpiece out shot both his good brothers in an open forum before a jury of their peers … case closed ..

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Marked briefs ….

Janet Napolitano has stepped down as FEMA Secretary to dedicate more time to the upcoming Halloween season .. She’ll make a clean sweep of festivities in your neighborhood …

  California is burning …. ironically the gun haters of that Liberal west coast state unknowingly named their most egregious blaze ” Rim Fire ”   

   After receiving copious amounts of enemy gun-fire in Damascus , the U.N. delegation determined they had sufficient evidence to determine the source of poison gas.. any further samples would be redundant .. let’s get the hell outta Dodge ..

   As five American war-ships pulled into the Mediterranean , Assad could be seen spurring his camel to frothy lather over distant dunes ……. On Clyde …

 

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Dissatisfied Dems….

 They gripe when I don’t blog and gripe even more when I do…it’s catch 22 at the Ultimate roundtable ..

   Local libs have nothing to feed their copper-head personalities when I keep my partisan thoughts to myself ..They desperately need things to blame on George W. and unless I point out Obama’s miserable failings , they have nothing but crickets chirping in their pin-pointed heads …

Have a great memorial day week-end…as Obama ponders Syria’s weapons of mass destruction and the LACK of international support from his U.N. cohorts ..

 

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Justice Delayed ….

 The worst case of “workplace violence” in my memory has finally come to a logical conclusion at Ft. Hood … The politically correct military circus is finally over …It is now my wish that Nidal Hasan will never again be refered to as Major … he has never deserved respect from any real soldier .. he is not a martyr for Allah , he’s a Muslim terrorist …Mr. President ..

   He will probably never experience lethal injection in my lifetime or possibly not even in his , but I thank the jury panel that expressed the sentiment of all American patriots by giving him the death sentence anyway ..

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