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Archive for April, 2009

breaking news….

    word just came a few minutes ago via a cell call.. that Montague county’s ex-sheriff Keating suffered an apparent heart attack early this evening… after having his sentencing hearing postponed earlier this week , until june .

  Bill Keating failed to respond to C.P.R. and was pronounced dead at the scene by the justice of the peace…  may God have mercy on his soul .

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state of the polls

 i missed the presidents speech last night due to indifference and interrupted television signal , but i’m thinking it probably went something like this…

   in the first hundred days i’ve managed to arrest the economic decline , improve relationships with several foreign countries including north korea , iran , afganistan , pakistan , cuba , france , germany , italy , great brittian , iraq , and russia…

   i’ve eliminated american torture policies while closing gitmo and ending the war on terror , befriended hamas and alkida… improved relations with the saudi prince.. salvaged the american auto industry and imposed salary caps on private industry executives…

   i’ve remained evasive about my stance on the economy , abortion , political appointments , gay marriage ,  immigration , gitmo prisoners , exit strategies for iraq and afganistan ,  government take-overs of banks and auto manufacturers , and any questions about barney frank…

   i’ve made more public appearances , press release meetings , television game shows than any president in history without revealing any concrete platform for anything…. i’m sailing through the popularity polls ! thank you and good night…

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seasonal storm

   torrential rainfall , temporary power outages , loss of satellite signal and internet services , cloud rotation and horizontal lightning….downed tree limbs ….hailstones and high winds ruled the night in montague county…

   nocona recorded 12- 14 inches of rain depending on location…. montague 6-8 , bowie had five – six… plus six inches of pea sized hail blown in drifts like snow… i slept like a rock with the pillow over my head…

   forecasted eighty degree temperatures for today heighten the urgency for my purchase of a new riding mower…

   amon carter lake rose a foot in twelve hours ….arami creek and salt creek extended their boundaries over night to include the prime bottom land Ed called his garden… luckily he had a back-up garden on high ground in town…all those j-200 plants in the valley are scattered along the red river today and ducks are swimming where they once stood….. he’s done !

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a pig in the polk

  i’ve got to weigh-in on the swine flu pandemic situation… the powers that be have determined the unsavory title of “swine” flu is politically incorrect… cast unnecessary dispersions on our piggy friends and pig farmers as well..

   the typical hog already has enough negative public relation issues… they live in mud … break wind in mixed company…eat slop…. display horrendous table manners and smell like the underside of an outdoor toilet… they are the social outcast of the animal kingdom , not even P.E.T.A. will set up camp down-wind from the stifling pig stye …

    pork sales have suffered a noticeable drop since the onset of the global pandemic…negative publicity surrounds the meat counter despite scientists reassurance that the pigs are the real victims….

  city slickers refuse to consume pickled pig feet and bacon cheeseburgers for fear of contracting the H1N1 virus… that’s the scientific name… much more desirable than swine flu, and  helps preserve the pigs self-image…they already have their plate loaded….  take an embarrassed pig to lunch !

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don’t mess with macy

   heath taylor’s baby sister , macy brooke roth , plays high school softball for the bowie  rabbits… varsity catcher… junior class.. with a batting average of five thirty four….

  her older sister , jordon roth plays second base for vernon junior college on a softball scholarship….. recently selected freshman player of the year for 09 …and of course big brother in the minor league for cleveland..

  today in a play-off practice game , the district champion lady- rabbits handed petrolia a  3-2 defeat..macy delivered three r.b.i.’s …..hit two for three … a single and a double..

 despite being only four foot eleven , #9  can peg second base from home plate like yogi !  …today she picked off two runners attempting to steal second…that ended that unproductive strategy… her scouting report says    (  don’t mess with macy )  she’s a cute package of poison…

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   today’s news that arlene spector has flip-flopped for the purpose of enhancing his personal chances of  insuring a sixth term in congress , further demonstrates the arrogance of congressmen and the need for term limits…

   i listened to his televised statement on the democratic channel (NBC)… he never once  mentioned his concern for our nation or it’s citizens.. what he said was he did not intend to allow His legacy be determined by the questionable outcome of the republican primary…( fear of defeat )

  polls suggested his liberal voting record would probably result in a bitter defeat in the 010 election if he remained a republican.. so he did the only totally spineless thing that could possibly save his liberal hide , he traded the best interest of the voters who had elected him for five terms in a row for his own personal selfish preservation. …. here in montague we call that a turn-coat…a stinking fish…a deflector among other less complimentary terms !

  harry ried and obama are delighted to have the flopping jellyfish in their corner…they hardly noticed the smell !

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  ed purchased two bushels of sweet potatoes from the talking hat-man at the turkey dry-goods store , but found no possible room for transport home… chipper extended his cable tow , said he’d haul the taters back to montague county for the good brother..

  however after arriving back at the house , ed laid claim to the freight only to discover he was half a bushel short…first he blamed chipper for the theft , then blamed the talking-hat-man for shorting him on the count…

  following a logical explanation by chipper , ed admitted he’d been suspicious for no practical reason..

  chipper said evaporation is a major problem when hauling sweet potato’s… that’s why you seldom see ’em transported on flat-bed trucks..ed scratched his head … come to think of it , i’ve NEVER seen a flat-bed truck loaded with sweet potatoes… ?

       they tasted great…! well worth the five dollars i gave chipper for half a bushel …

  then there was the mishap with tuckers tomato plants… he sat them on the back bumper of his truck while packing his meager belongings for the sunday departure…

       derwood and his child bride walked by , stopping momentarily to chat… her unintentional close proximity to the tender plants killed two out-right and severely wilted the other two…thankfully they moved on before she curled the paint on tucker’s truck…

i think she could have wilted a mature plant in bloom just as easy…

   he seems to think some temporary shade and ample water suppy should revive the two remaining wilted plants…  collateral damage by daisy-duke…

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