Archive for January, 2012

 There’s blasphemy on the shelves at Texas Super Markets .. some Yankee transplant had a brain-cough .. He decided despite his geographic location , the time has come to introduce vegetarian chili to Native Texans..   I know I should go wash my hands after typing ” vegetarian ” and ” chili ” in the same sentence .. There is NO vegetables in chili cept for a few hot peppers and onions , but these idiots are canceling the meat for green beans and corn, then adding injury to insult by calling it chili ! That’s soup ..

  This politically correct health craze has crossed the Red River at low tide .. bringing insults and disrespect to all those gallant rebel soldiers that died while defending our right to eat big hunks of red meat in our chili.

  Ninety pound weaklings eat vegetarian chili ..take it back up north ! Have you ever seen John Wayne eating a can of vegetable soup ?…I thought not…

   You can make soups and casseroles from vegetables, even make liquor from some , but you darn-well can’t make any reasonable facsimile of anything remotely described as chili from cow-peas and creamed corn..

   And to vanquish another yankee inspired myth , real chili don’t come in a can ..it comes from cast-iron cookware .. Some undeserving steer has got to die to make real chili .

  Vegetables grow in manicured gardens… chili comes from sacrificed life of texas feed-lots and red pepper seasoning .. if you don’t need a fork , it aint chili ..so call it what it is… ( vegetable soup )..


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Prayerful petition …

 It’s come to my attention that the probable cause for Sonny’s regrettable absence from last Saturday’s Shriner’s event , is due to some serious health issues ..

  I’ll ask all his good brothers and their families and friends to join me in petitioning God’s grace, for intervention on Sonny’s behalf .. Our compassionate thoughts and sincere prayers seek heavenly assistance for him and his family in this their time of brotherly need . God still answers prayers of righteous people , and prayerful concern for our friends and neighbors promotes certain results..

  May God show great favor and healing for this His child , and our faithful friend Sonny .. So mote it be !

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No presents please …

   Happy Anniversary to me ..twenty-two years ago on this day , J.R. Neeld took note of my financial plight ,and hired me into the employ of the City Of Bowie..after being layed-off from the bowling alley where he sometimes enjoyed an off-duty cold beer and preferential alley assignment .. 

   For nearly a quarter-century I’ve remained a perpetual drain on the City Sewer System .. I risen through the ranks of junior punchers to Chief Wrangler on the farm ..

    I know it when I see it and how to avoid stepping it ..  I can shovel it when it’s appropriate , or let it drift gently downstream like a passing acquaintance .

  No job is finished til the proper paper-work is completed !

   Without intentionally sounding prideful or arrogant , after officially being schooled and licensed by the State of Texas for twenty-two years , I wish to publicly proclaim , henceforth  I know my _______!

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Short Sheet Sargent …

 A glimpse into my previous life as a Secret Military Operative for the Sixth Army …command post  at Mary and Chippers Ranch just north of the DMZ in Montague .. I wore the rank of underclassmen in an effort to blend in with comrades of the 101st Airborne .


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2012 Maskat Shrine Album

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Partial Post …


Again I weaseled in on a tic-toc gathering of the Muskrat Shrine last night .. The second time in as many years I’ve gained unauthorized entry with a bogus press-pass furnished by one of their own..

     Thanks Sonny . Though I missed seeing you and the bride at last  night’s gala affair , I credit you with the counterfeit pass that enabled me to attend this secret meeting …  Thus this factual account of happenings from within the fortress ..

  Again the vast number of Shriners was astounding .. again the food was marvelous and the music was undeniably Texas .

  I  was privileged to meet many masonic acquaintances from years past, including a few wandering Okies , and stumbled headlong into a few unfamiliar readers of Montague County Moments..

   Rick and I were seated with our backs to the wall , consuming ribs and hominy casserole ,when a guy from across the room approached as though he knew us … Turned out he knew Rick and introduced himself to me as a regular reader of the blog.

  The music was loud and the floor was covered to capacity with dancers of varying talents .. The new acquaintance said his name was Mark Lawyer and he is a professional baker , or he said his name was Baker and he’s a professional lawyer ..I couldn’t hear.. Either way , he requested I not mention his name on the blog … I smiled and said of course I won’t !….

  Apparently he ain’t been reading the blog very long !.. He never said if he was trifling on his wife , or AWOL from some distant baking assignment but his body language indicated he might actually be a lawyer named Baker rather than a baker named Lawyer.. either way , he was undeniably Yankee , but a friendly one..

  I later witnessed a secluded couple out on the beer-garden , he was smoking a big stogie or a blackened section of shovel handle and sipping on Maker’s Mark .She was longingly gazing into his smoke-filled eyes … It was dark and cold as a mother-in-law’s kiss , but they had mysteriously chosen this time and place to renew their wedding vows.. this moment was unorthodox even by Montague County standards ,but unbelievably tender.. I joined them in smoking a toast to their happiness and quickly located the exit .

  Big Chicken was tipping large , from what appeared to be a roll of green Charmin , defiantly produced from his front pants pocket . Danica was all smiles , well mostly , she was mostly smiles but not ALL .

  I was witness to terms unfamiliar in all my years of professional journalism .. Rick was quick to point out the illustrious potentate and a seven-foot Oriental …there was Jaspers and Gestures and Convee drivers.. guess he didn’t realize I don’t speak Masonic. I just smiled and said, I knew that !

   Baccus seemed to be having a good time drinking and dancing with light-footed wife , til a quarter til nine ! ….The I noticed him digging into his shirt pocket for a little blue pill .. I was thinking it was probably Advil , but Rick insisted it was a crutch to counteract terminal low-tea ..

  There’s still some unanswered question … Like when will Beemer feel well enough to forward the pictures ..? why did Dan continuously cross the street to Pete’s complex and back again ?  What’s the real reason for Goober’s return to Graham last night , and why did Rick say those seven guys from Oklahoma were all brothers ? They introduced themselves to me , each had different last names !   Strange bunch these Shriners,  but they do savor a good time , good music , good food and other people’s booze !

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Cooking News ..

   The bi-partisan committee of Nuther Brother and the General ventured off on a sortie , in search of Texas Monthly’s featured BBQ chef  ( Aaron Franklin) in Austin.. Their quest for superior sixteen dollar brisket was a ruse.. In fact , they were enrolled in BBQ 101 .. in search of an edge , a secret ingredient or proven method that would allow them to compete at a higher level with Team Tucker and Chase at the Montague County Wildfire Bar-B-Que of 2012.

  They are secretly planning a come-back… an attempt at restoration of respect after the Nuther Brother suffered resounding defeat in Montague County two summers ago , at the hands of multiple Fenoglio’s.

   Brian Jones , master chef for Select of Cooke County , took the gold in East Germany ( Lindsey ) with his patented chili recipe last week … His plethora of trophy’s and prizes are proudly displayed at the Brick-Street Bar and Grille . He stole his recipe from Chuck-Chuck the Woodchuck then polished it to perfection ..

   Rickey Lewis is melting ribs as we speak …fussing and fretting over temperature and strategic placement , mopped sauce and proper ventilation… He’s serving up his patented Best BBQ at Daddy Sam’s tonight ..  He may not be featured in Texas Monthly , but he darned well could be !

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