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Archive for April, 2007

air assault

  fair warning to all concerned, including the f.a.a., prater has purchased another plane… after being land locked for several years, he’s returned to flying… using his social security check to make payments on a cessna or something…. equipted with a wakesha engine.. he’s in the process of repainting it between flights… therefore i don’t know what color plane you should watch for…. probably one with spots or primer… if he gets close enough for you to identify him by the runs in the paint, it’s probably to late to seek shelter….. just lay flat out on the ground and hope he bounces over you..

   anyone wanting to take a ride with a seventy five year old pilot in a plane of the same age, should contact bole- weavel airlines in stoneburg texas… bring a bottle of zanex, not for you, but for the pilot……

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reincarnation

   as i was motoring thru nocona yesterday, i saw what appeared to be  hoss cartwright washing the dust off his boots after a lenghty trail ride.. turned out to be the mayor-protem  watering his wifes flowers in his new stove-pipe hat..  …. high-rise head gear..

     watch out for low hanging limbs on your way to the council meeting there  mooch.. otherwise, looking good..!  nocona can use a color-man in the council chambers besides penaluna…

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pitchin-coach

    i traveled off into oklahoma saturday to watch # 1 pitch against kansas…

   it was an absolute beautiful base-ball day.. heath pitched good but we came up short on the scoreboard… anyhow, after the game i had the opportunity to meet taylor’s new pitchin- coach… her name is emily, or emalee,or emilie, maybe even m-alee…i’ve gotten into a heap of trouble lately trying to spell melanie, never thought emilleeie would throw me like that..  never caught her last name…. probably could’nt spell it anyway…

   she’s a lot better lookin than some of the coaches he has had in the past, they were just amatuers…. this one is a full professional… she apparantly was raised up close to tush-amingo if you get my drift !!

  we all went out to appleby’s for a bite to eat after the game..everyone had a nice meal then i had to step out for a cigarette while somebody got the ticket..

    then i crawled back in ol’blackie and headed for montague… every car on the road passed me except one guy flat-running a tire on his trailer…. i honked like he was in my way when i went around him.

 finally got back to texas about ten thirty.. what a great day we had in sooner land…. God is good..

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dancin fenom

  i also learned this week that waco is not only the home of dr.pepper, it is also home base for doug the dancin man… he’s known throughout a tri-state area for his uniqie dancing style.. ( understudy of rod hoover)

   dancin man reminded me of wylie coyotee…. you remember how his legs moved so fast they were just a blur ?  thats how it was with doug the dancin man and his woman (pea-nut).. as they lapped all the other senior-citizens on the floor..

   dancin man used cornmeal for his initial burnout prior to the actual dance, kinda like a drag-race. he set and broke several land speed records during the three days i was there..

   then there was the omish- eye- dancers… they never touched during the entire dance performance, but stood about six inches apart, starin directly into each others eyes while two-steppin..

 i  origionally thought the couple were high on some sort of meth, but ed explained that’s how all the omish dance..no physical contact…

   now i’m wonderin how come ed knows so much about the omish…. must be part of his questionable past…

   there was this one other couple that drew our undivided attention… i was askin ed if that woman was having difficulty standing, let alone dancing ??  her man was having to prop her up ninety percent of the time.. again my knowledgeable friend ed enlightened me… she’s a leg-rider..he said..

  how the heck was i to know about a leg-rider or omish dancer ?? …. i’ve unquestionably led a pretty sheltered life when compared to a wind-mill salesman…

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   just got home from a west texas musical adventure… saw at least part of the county urban population, in fact i camped in the midst of their forty to forty five foot motor homes… my motor home was considerably shorter.. the exact length of chevy pickup in fact….

  my accomidations were quite adequate yet more subdued than the other campers.. i shared a port-a-john with several other less fortunate clientel… refered to by the motor home quadrant as dry-campers…

   actually those portable thrones are not all that dry… what they are is dark and cold at five in the morning…. and watch out for that splashin blue water..

  while the musical entertainment was first class, i’m including thay guy playing drums on a cardboard box and a sixteen inch plow disk, the security left a lot to be desired..

  stray dogs stole a ten pound box full of brisket trimmings from our camp on thursday night, without waking even one drunk from their stuper… but the major crime of the week was committed early on, yet went undetected for several days..

  seems some desperate soul stole a thirty pac from ed and hid it in the community camp cooler… which is also frequented by ed….  in other words, everyone that passed by was drinking ed’s beer, with his blessings….. little did he know the beer had originated from his personal stock..

   the good news from his point of view is that he drinks two to everybody elses one, so in fact he actually recooperated half the missing thirty pac by his glutonous nature..

    that whole township of turkey was under seige by motor-homes and mules… plenty of theropedic shoes and smooth-mouthed women…(. our campsight not included of course).. we had mostly hot blooded foxes that loved to cook and cater to their men… my wife stayed home…   i hope i have adequately covered all the bases on this issue and digress out of fear…

   i never knew kennedy sleeps an average of eighteen hours out of twenty-four.. quess thats why he is in such peak physical condition… a real hit with the ladies…

  there will surely be more tales forth coming about the trip to turkey, i’ve not even consulted my notes yet….

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 i’m excited.. two of my good buddies here in montague are currently installing those  below ground cement ponds.. complete with slides and wet-bars…

  chippers wife was telling me about seeing some of those chipen’-dale dancers out in georgia.. they were wearing g-strings or speed-o’s as she called them… she could’nt stop talking about them….. so i decided i needed one to wear to tom’s or terry’s in case of an invite…

  i looked thru all the catalogues laying around the house but could’nt find one in my size….(XXX) so i just tie-died an old jockey-strap left over from high school..

  next i needed a manly tan…. but couldnt invest all that time and danger of skin cancer.. so, i opted for a gallon of q.t. instead..

  the sales lady said it don’t come in industrial strength.. that’s what i’d need to cover my snow-man complection…

  i’m thinking about baby lotion and shoe polish…there a couple of locations i cant readily reach.. need a volunteer to apply the home made tannin lotion……..( must be a close personal friend)….. hope it don’t mess up the filters on my buddies swimming pools…

  i know when they read this and see how anxious i am to go swimming, my phone is gonna be ringing…. i’ve made a couple of practice runs in my bath tub already… the wifes dogs all went under the bed…

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turkey trip

 some anxious travelers have alreay arrived at the turkey camp-site..(baccus and stevie) and the dancin man…

others are still loading staples, like bacon ,beans, and beer… while still others have not yet completed the polishing stage of motor home preparation.. apparently trophies are given for showmanship in the motorized camper catagory.. no awards given for pop-ups or two-man tents..

  i’ll be sleeping in chippers slide-out tool box, underneath the hot water closet. it will easily sleep two but i’m having difficulty finding a suitable room mate, what with the heavy snoring problem and the never ending bladder contractions..

  walker has shown his incensitive nature by declaring an out right ban on smoking in his tool box…says it could cause his power tools to stink… yeah right… it’s located next to his five hundred gallon septic storage tank that has an odor all it’s own..  that’s really big of him to let an old class-mate sleep in a funky smellin tool box…guess all his plush slide out bedrooms are taken in that diesel burnin box car.. maybe kennedy will let me stay in his converted stock trailer-. boxin planks and dry-wall screws.. he got the plans from a homeless man living in a card-board box…

   for those unfamiliar with turkey texas gathering…. it’s a week long invasion on a post office town out in west texas… suposedily the birth place of bob wills.. it’s definitely a one-horse community, most likely a shetland…

  i’m going out on wed. to soak up some good home-grown guitar pickin and grinning.. i’ll try to borrow chipper’s lap-top to send out a full report on the blog site,  when i’m not busy writing a hit song for a nameless inebriated muscian….

 hope to see you there, bring your dancin shoes..not those open-toes or flip-flops…

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