Cooke County Camp

  Cousin Herkey is drivin the bus thats haulin a straight-deck load of cheerleaders from Jerry’s World to Gainesville and back again .. Shortfellow is digging out the press-pass that Sonny made for me at the Shrine Convention …I’ll get the rest of the story Paul Harvey !

   We’ll find out if these scantily clad girls have ever visited Two-Wells State Park or if even ONE ever met Tommy O’Neal ..

  The shortman reporting  sporting events without fear or favor since 2007 …

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Tree Trimming by Tom …

 After lunch I ventured off to the bean kitchen to pack a box of groceries to maintain Denny Ray’s caloric intake til Christmas… for delivery at Bible Class tomorrow ..

  I leisurely dropped back by Tom’s estate to witness his Christmas decorating in progress ,  on my way back home …

   Any attempt I might make at describing his parlor tree would fall woefully short of doing it financial justice ..

   This thing is mammoth ..8 feet across at the base and towering 15 feet towards the ceiling … decorated head to toe with Dallas Cowboy memorabilia.. autographed boots , footballs , jerseys , caps , all in keeping with the blue and gray cowboy theme….and amazingly done in visual good taste ..

   Tom’s easily got more cowboy gear than Jerry’s pro-shop ..and it’s all suspended from the monstrous tree and surrounding walls…soup to nuts..

  Though I saw no member of the opposite sex on the premises , except for the young grand-daughter sweeping the floor , I ‘m satisfied some feminine talent did the handiwork .. Tom and his gaggle of meskin laborers had nothing to do with arranging this display..

  He can’t spell aesthetically pleasing  , much less create it …

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Doing it like Denny’s …

  No less than a dozen Moose Lodge Malcontents showed up for Black Friday breakfast …ten republicans and two lowly democrats….most of which cited the obligation when forcing Tom and me to the back of the chow line…all things being equal..

  Push came to shove as bacon inventory diminished ….. discount paper plates collapsed under the weight of cat-head biscuits and free-standing gravy….

  Special guest , Tucker  jr. , had the mitigated gall to condemn high levels of sodium content in Italian pork by-products and extruded meat …are you kiddin me ?

   wolverines have eaten less and cleaned up better with fewer verbal assaults , all this mayhem marked by the bitter aftertaste of Teetelton’s Hazelnut coffee .

  Small wonder the breakfast is free . No one would pay for bad manners , bad food , and equally bad conversation …

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Free Tree …..

 

If anyone in North Texas or Southern Oklahoma likes the idea of making the search for the perfect traditional Christmas Tree a family affair , give me a shout in the comment section of this blog for e-mail driving instructions to our place .

   Carolyn and I have eight acres of heavily crowded woods … where cedars of all sizes and shapes thrive among scattered oaks and green briars .. we’d welcome a hatchet armed gallery of tree seekers …bring a bow-saw , a chain saw , or a dull double-bit ax ..hack what you perceive to be the perfect tree , from 2 feet to 20 … we’ve got cedars in need of TLC .

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Moochers Alert …

 Almost forgot … bi-partisan , bi-sexual , bi-fraternal meeting of closet moochers at Ed’s tomorrow morning …bring all your left-over turkey for visual transformation to Ed’s Ollie-Bobba Slumgullian Omelet .

It’s a sight to behold !… like a sick dog …

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Trader John …

 Inside sources reveal that each one of us gave $26.50 to Iran for Christmas… every man woman and child in America….for a total of $ 8,000,000,000.00

   8 Billion to Iran…along with relaxed sanctions , in exchange for promises not to cheat by enriching uranium beyond domestic use capabilities …

   What a great deal !… provided you’re not an Israeli Jew ……John Kerry is an unscrupulous wheeler-dealer ..

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Show your sanity .. stay home !

 Black Friday was designed to get bargain crazed customers off the couch . and it works flawlessly ..almost .

  Every year shoppers become more aggressive than the year before ..shoving and pushing is the new normal for retail shoppers at discount stores ..

  shop-lifting from fellow shoppers carts is now acceptable behavior on Black Friday ..tripping and blocking below the waist considered good economic tactics .. Is there a limit to the depth of which one would stoop to save five bucks on a motorized tooth-brush ?   Apparently not !

  Black Friday was not so named for Rev. Black or the Black Republican . It was named Black Friday because that’s the one day per year when rotund women with shopping carts can show the dark side of their latent tendencies  … on payday Friday..

  It happens on Friday , it’s black and it’s ugly to witness .

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Really …. Hillary has potential ?

  Seriously…Is Hillary the absolute best candidate the Democrats can offer in 2016 ?  What attribute makes her worthy to lead the most powerful nation on Earth ?

  Is it her uncanny ability to tell a straight-faced lie to Congress and naive citizens , while all the world knows better ?  Washington is full of potential candidates who can do that… ( Pelosi .. Rice ..Lerner .. Sebelius )

Is it because of her outstanding accomplishments as Secretary of State ?  Name one newsworthy thing she’s done other than bungle security in Benghazi , resulting in the deaths of four American patriots .

  Is she a potential candidate because of name recognition ? …Jezebel has enjoyed similar name recognition for three thousand years ..

Is it because of the roaring success of Affordable Health Care , a reform idea which she promoted during her tenure as First Lady ..

 Is it because of her impeccable moral standards ? Scandal has followed her political career from it’s inception…White Water through Benghazi ..

  Is it because of her admirable stance with our middle east alli Israel ?  Her record of consistently supporting trades of land for peace is a matter of public knowledge . She’d trade the Benny’s farm for a potential legacy ..

  Is it because of her vast experience with rogue nuclear nations ?… North Korea and Iran have zero respect for ANY woman …

   Is it because she thinks Doctors , Insurance Companies , and corporate America makes too much money ? She charges $100,000.00 for a one hour speech .

 Is it because Dems think she is more marketable than Joe Biden ?  The jury is still out on that popularity contest ..or is it because her election would mean a continuance of the current failed polices of her disappointing predecessor ?

  All the above ….

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Countdown to Kickoff …

 Season ticket-holder , Tommy O’Neal , has loaded the newly purchased high-rise six-passenger pickup truck , with carefully screened and highly scrutinized women…. in route to the Tom and Jerry Show at AT&T stadium …for the Thanksgiving Day football extravaganza …

  The only thing receiving a more strenuous workout than Romo’s offensive line today……. Tom’s Platinum Visa card ..

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Shameful Cheyenne ….”coming out” of the car-port ..

  I have a burning desire to marry my 93 Chevy Cheyenne in a civil ceremony , despite Texas refusal to formally recognize our undying love for each other..

  We’ve been together since she was young and responsive …for twenty years she’s tolerated my chain-smoking without audible opposition though she seldom smokes herself .. We’ve become inseparable … she goes nowhere unless I accompany her …I go almost nowhere without her ..we’ve become one in spirit ….yet the government still refuses to sanction our high-mileage union ..

  Further discrimination between one man and one pickup can no longer be tolerated.. it’s our God-given right to motor thru life with equality..without shame or subtle whispers about our chosen transportation life-style from those in extended cab 4X4’s …

   I’m concerned that I may pass , or Cheyenne may throw an untimely rod while attempting to pass , before we are joined in state sanctioned matrimony ..

   Meanwhile , we’ll continue to live in sin …ignoring inflammatory remarks and insinuations casting her as a “kept” woman … a virtual V-6 floozie …with balding tires and aging transmission seals …..stop the insanity…we deserve each other !

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