Archive for November, 2013

Cooke County Camp


  Cousin Herkey is drivin the bus thats haulin a straight-deck load of cheerleaders from Jerry’s World to Gainesville and back again .. Shortfellow is digging out the press-pass that Sonny made for me at the Shrine Convention …I’ll get the rest of the story Paul Harvey !

   We’ll find out if these scantily clad girls have ever visited Two-Wells State Park or if even ONE ever met Tommy O’Neal ..

  The shortman reporting  sporting events without fear or favor since 2007 …


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 After lunch I ventured off to the bean kitchen to pack a box of groceries to maintain Denny Ray’s caloric intake til Christmas… for delivery at Bible Class tomorrow ..

  I leisurely dropped back by Tom’s estate to witness his Christmas decorating in progress ,  on my way back home …

   Any attempt I might make at describing his parlor tree would fall woefully short of doing it financial justice ..

   This thing is mammoth ..8 feet across at the base and towering 15 feet towards the ceiling … decorated head to toe with Dallas Cowboy memorabilia.. autographed boots , footballs , jerseys , caps , all in keeping with the blue and gray cowboy theme….and amazingly done in visual good taste ..

   Tom’s easily got more cowboy gear than Jerry’s pro-shop ..and it’s all suspended from the monstrous tree and surrounding walls…soup to nuts..

  Though I saw no member of the opposite sex on the premises , except for the young grand-daughter sweeping the floor , I ‘m satisfied some feminine talent did the handiwork .. Tom and his gaggle of meskin laborers had nothing to do with arranging this display..

  He can’t spell aesthetically pleasing  , much less create it …

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Doing it like Denny’s …

  No less than a dozen Moose Lodge Malcontents showed up for Black Friday breakfast …ten republicans and two lowly democrats….most of which cited the obligation when forcing Tom and me to the back of the chow line…all things being equal..

  Push came to shove as bacon inventory diminished ….. discount paper plates collapsed under the weight of cat-head biscuits and free-standing gravy….

  Special guest , Tucker  jr. , had the mitigated gall to condemn high levels of sodium content in Italian pork by-products and extruded meat …are you kiddin me ?

   wolverines have eaten less and cleaned up better with fewer verbal assaults , all this mayhem marked by the bitter aftertaste of Teetelton’s Hazelnut coffee .

  Small wonder the breakfast is free . No one would pay for bad manners , bad food , and equally bad conversation …

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Free Tree …..

 th Going GREEN

If anyone in North Texas or Southern Oklahoma likes the idea of making the search for the perfect traditional Christmas Tree a family affair , give me a shout in the comment section of this blog for e-mail driving instructions to our place .

   Carolyn and I have eight acres of heavily crowded woods … where cedars of all sizes and shapes thrive among scattered oaks and green briars .. we’d welcome a hatchet armed gallery of tree seekers …bring a bow-saw , a chain saw , or a dull double-bit ax ..hack what you perceive to be the perfect tree , from 2 feet to 20 … we’ve got cedars in need of TLC .

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Moochers Alert …

 Almost forgot … bi-partisan , bi-sexual , bi-fraternal meeting of closet moochers at Ed’s tomorrow morning …bring all your left-over turkey for visual transformation to Ed’s Ollie-Bobba Slumgullian Omelet .

It’s a sight to behold !… like a sick dog …

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Trader John …

 Inside sources reveal that each one of us gave $26.50 to Iran for Christmas… every man woman and child in America….for a total of $ 8,000,000,000.00

   8 Billion to Iran…along with relaxed sanctions , in exchange for promises not to cheat by enriching uranium beyond domestic use capabilities …

   What a great deal !… provided you’re not an Israeli Jew ……John Kerry is an unscrupulous wheeler-dealer ..

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 Black Friday was designed to get bargain crazed customers off the couch . and it works flawlessly ..almost .

  Every year shoppers become more aggressive than the year before ..shoving and pushing is the new normal for retail shoppers at discount stores ..

  shop-lifting from fellow shoppers carts is now acceptable behavior on Black Friday ..tripping and blocking below the waist considered good economic tactics .. Is there a limit to the depth of which one would stoop to save five bucks on a motorized tooth-brush ?   Apparently not !

  Black Friday was not so named for Rev. Black or the Black Republican . It was named Black Friday because that’s the one day per year when rotund women with shopping carts can show the dark side of their latent tendencies  … on payday Friday..

  It happens on Friday , it’s black and it’s ugly to witness .

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