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Archive for June, 2011

Dateline NBC

  The host of NBC’s  ” To Catch a Predator ” got caught yielding to his own personal temptations despite publicly humiliating anyone who ventured into his view-finder during the course of his righteous broadcast..

  Chris Hanson was quick to point out the moral inadequacies of the people entrapped in compromising situations while broadcasting his ethically superior show , but stooped to similar levels in his personal life after the cameras were all turned off ..or so journalistic sources say…

   He was seen exiting a Hotel in the company of young lady other than his wife , after enjoying wine and dinner with this feminine work associate on the previous night..

  Too bad there were no cameras and microphones to expose his indiscretions to the entire world , as he has done for gainful employ over the course of the last few years.. However , the same sneaky tactics that he employed to gain ratings on Dateline has trapped him in an indisputably compromising situation…guess you could say ,  that which goes around likewise comes around …

  Libs placed marginal value on the institution of marriage anyhow , til the gays decided they were entitled to all the rights and privileges of matrimony…then the libs mounted the nearest stump for proclaiming the constitutional rights of all the lesbians and gays…

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   Due to the recent ban of outdoor pyrotechnics , many Montague County residents are experiencing latent manic-depressive tendencies.. left with budget alloted monies for festive fire-works and no legal outlet for independence day celebrations..

  As suggested to me by a passive pyro-maniac , why not donate those previously allotted funds to your local volunteer fire department to improve their logistic responsibilities for combating range-fires throughout the area ?

  Turn a negative into a positive . Your reward will be a safer July 4th for your family , with special effects that far exceed the duration of the most impressive fire-works display…

   As the Cable-Guy and unit # 5101 would say… Get er’ Done !

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Wet Wednesday…

 The two-tenths of rain thankfully received yesterday morning in Bowie was just enough to make the side-walks smoke and raise the humidity to levels required to accentuate maximum awareness of Arabs in close proximity..

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Jukebox junkie ….

 If Tom had a jukebox in the Prime-Cut Steakhouse , I’m confident it would be loaded with several rock N’ roll songs from the sixties and seventies… Possibly a Medley from the popular Los Angeles albums of  “The Doors” …

   What about it Tom , you like the doors ?

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Nasal Excavation

  I spent the afternoon yesterday  , horizontal on the Doctor’s lightly padded torture slab … as he dug varying sized old-man growths from my face and arms.. rooted in like wood-ticks over the last decade..

   He had some space-age instrument of death plugged in to the side of my nose … delivering high-voltage and unbearable pain to my quivering beak ..

    I cried for mercy at first sight of the pruning shears and needles with which he fully intended to stifle the growth of anything living , including me…  I’m tellin ya this guy was a legally licensed sadist .. I could hear and smell bacon frying .. oh crap that’s him rendering lard from my nose !

  Carolyn wiped the tears from my eyes as he gouged perilously closer to the unexplored recesses of nasal passages…. I’ll could easily end up with an extra nostril on the side of my snout if he keeps digging … then he moved on to arm and forehead , repeating his goolish games as I lay helpless in a fetal position…

  Just as I was preparing to meet my maker , the Dr. announced , now that didn’t hurt bad did it ?…

  I guess not , compared to being mauled by a school of rabid peronas in a vat of acid … but it was a near toss-up !

  I learned a valuable lesson concerning ultra-violet exposure … Skin cancer could actually be the lesser of two debilitating evils…

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A.C.L.U.

 Anti-Christ Litigation Union….  nuff said !

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  It’s hotter than a pepper sprout in the sand covered foot-hills of Montague County… The Judge has banned the ignition of all fire-works ….but they could spontaneously combust anyway..

   Much to the delight of Ultimate customers ,the relentless heat has caused some normally timid citizenry to over expose their illustrious attributes in order to remain moderately cool … ( Kattle Kate )

  Some have removed the doors from particular dwellings to facilitate the southerly draft…

   The irreversible crack in the terra-cotta plate continues to widened as the heat builds to the boiling point ..

  As  Jerry Clower once said…. “Just shoot up here amoungst us , cause one of has got to have some relief. “

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