. I’ve previously invested in Chickens and Longhorn Cattle… to no avail …this time I bought stock in Zion Oil & Gas…years ago..

This venture is sure to bring long awaited rewards of past failures… My ship named Carlita is now on the horizon , circling the port …. this investment could easily surpass the profit margins of livestock malfunctions previously experienced while partnered with Ben Dover …

Looking forward to seeing my face on the cover of the Rolling Stones…..having survived the Corona Pandemic thus far , Texas Blizzard of 2021 .. and POTUS Joe Biden… what could possibly go wrong ??

He who laughs last… laughs LOUDEST ….

We arrived just in the nick of time to observe the 2021 Parade….. Had I NOT turned right on Red at Korean Korner , we would have missed the whole darn thing , waiting for that Eternal red-light on 82 to signal green …

That grievance being aired… we arrived just in time to see Nocona’s humongus ladder-truck leading the frigidly festive parade.. lights flashing, and sirens screaming… Parade Marshall , Billy Henley behind the wheel … a scene straight out the down-town documentary …

after that grand introduction, I was expecting to see Red Adare in full bunker-gear , or Tommy Yowell and Dan Fenoglio riding double on a mare mule.. or MoPar Murphey driving his 50- Model Plymouth with the top down….something…No such luck…

I settled back in the warmth of the F-150… lit a cigarette , and returned my focus towards Clay Street for further Red-Neck entertainment…. as the last of six cars spun their wheels for their exit… It Was OVER..

Designed and performed specifically for the sole entertainment of the SHORTMAN…. the shortest Mardi Gras Parade in recorded History…..and I was there with Carlia , to experience the massive monumental moment..

If the male population ever learns to listen to God’s plan for their life ……….as I did …this gal will be inundated with Valentine cards and flowers and milk-chocolate candies of all descriptions…

. She is a diamond hidden beneath the ordinary rhinestone glitter of powder and paint …. a treasure reserved and orchestrated by the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob…. A pearl of uncommon character and beauty … a beacon of light to all who know her….an anchor in life’s most violent trials and storms…an eternal optimist in uncertain times…the home-schooled Daughter of God Almighty … a fountain of faith and fortitude and……my undeserved box of Valentine candy……

Ventured across the County line yesterday… encroached into hostile territory… East Germany….. Cooke County….Doc’s Bar…. Happy Hour …..where the words “Say What’ precede or conclude most every conversation..

Fate arranged the seating….in a somewhat humorous manner , with each subsequent entry gravitating further west, towards the bar…It could not have happened better if Don Rickles had planned name-tags..

The two most stone-deaf old men seated side by side.. Deaf Donnie , and Edward A. Fenoglio… Say What’s were flying like in Fluches Machine Shop during the oil boom days…. Eventually , even the bar-maid got in on the fun… just waving a bottle at the deaf-mutes when inquiring about a re-fill .. It worked amazingly well !!!

Neither of these guys lack the ability to speak constantly … Both lack the ability to hear.. both anxious to utter the predominant phrase of the day.. “Say What ???” though often unable to decipher the utterings of the counterpart friend..

The longer they talked ….the more beer they drank… the more interesting the replies became….

Luckily , the Hess boys were there to further stir the situation …. Doyle and Scuffy stepped up to the challenge… speaking softly… introducing mass confusion into the fray .. Whispering to Don.. What’s the most common phrase in your vocabulary ?? … Don or Ed would answer ” Say What “…. the drunks would roar …

Thankfully …… Drunk Germans are easily entertained … I can’t remember having so much fun at someone else’s expense… while the Great Philosopher , Alfonso sat stone-faced at the end of the table… camo-colored hoody pulled over his head…., contemplating the ridiculous price-range of extruded meat …..Bar-S 99cents , Sure-Fine $2.99 , Ball-Park $5.99.. all listing the same ingredients …….. inexplicable !!! Say What??

Home Sweet Home

Here’s my place of reflection … on mistakes I’ve made…on trials I’ve survived.. on the undeserved blessings God has given me , on the fun times and heartaches I’ve endured along the way…, on the the future He has in store for me..

This place was a borderless overgrown grove of trees and thistles in 1999 , .. when we bought it…. today it’s Home to ALL God has given me … It’s Hope , It’ Happiness … all except the bottomless water-storage tank that Ed unloaded on me for $200 …. the story don’t end there , I sold him a Trio of Longhorn Cattle to offset my losses…got my $200 back … He who laughs last , etc.. $186 to be exact… He still owes me damages …

In local news…… chief Bar-Ditch Investigator , Big Bob , contracted Covid…. Wuhan Virus..

First Responders stated he looked as though he’d suffered a second attack from the Disgruntled Racoon of late 2020….but quick-test results show he’d encountered a strange strain of Chinese Corona , while conducting a primary investigation on recent happenings in the abandoned Ladder-Truck behind the fire hall …

Fingerprints lifted from the scene connected him directly to Fang-Fang .. the Chinese spy in search of vulnerable politicians with hopes of running for County Judge..

Big Bob has been compromised….. in Engine #5…MVFD.. Covidized … tested positive for numerous novel diseases imported from Wuhan China..

First place he looked ,…. his Goose got cooked… now he’s been Booked… for formal appearance in Montague County Court…

Last Ride

Even as I type this sad tribute , respect is being shown by friends and fellow fire fighters of “Rescue Ricky”.. His funeral is currently underway at Montague County Cowboy Church …Ricky Tipton’s interment will follow shortly in Montague Cemetery .. RIP … on this ,the last day of 2020..

Happy New Year

Premier Agriculture Consultant , Zeke Bowles , has implemented modern techniques into his previously antiquated methods of shelling peas.. Robin and Yum-Yum gave him an ultimatum ….You plant’em , you shell’em ….We’re Done !!!

Zeke invested heavily with his recently acquired retirement bonus check …. this new pea-sheller can shell circles around his reluctant wife and a passel of Grandkids ,.. Earth-Shattering speed , with minimal Chin-Music ,,,,, until it shelled half the plastic gears during it’s Maiden Demonstration ..

He’s back to square one ( no ethnical slurs insinuated ) pertaining to East Germany…. He has his back against the wall .. The same back that suffered a direct impact from his First Calf Heifer just days ago..

Demand for Purple-Hull Peas is astronomical…due to 2020 Scams and Political BS being perpetrated by Democrat/Socialists .. Zeke is in dire need of undocumented immigrants to meet the demand for New Year’s Day… $15 dollars and hour starting pay , with paid vacation and Medical benefits .. transportation to and from work , and free tacos for lunch … a Bushel and a Peck and a hug around the neck …. Serious inquires only..

Organic and Gluten Free … Purple Hull Peas raised in the fertile valley , just across the fence from the woodyard ….

Texoma Tribute

Respectful tribute to a long-time cornerstone of the Montague Volunteer Fire Department…. Assistant Chief Ricky Tipton , known by fellow fire-fighters as ” Rescue Rickey “… His Sir Name “Tipton” is one of common respect and familiarity in the community of Montage and surrounding area..

The flag at MVFD is lowered to half-mask in honor of his tireless tenure serving neighbors and strangers alike … His loyal volunteer duties will be most difficult to fill, but never adequately replaced…

Rescue Ricky … our friend , our neighbor , our volunteer protection has answered his final call …

Cowboy Christmas ….

Straight from the Squeeze Chute …. North-Side Nocona ..

Cattle Baron , Zeke Bowles , suffered a tremendous impact while surveying his herd earlier this week .. the youngest and most agile of his vast herd of Brangus Momma Cows was scheduled to give birth.. She was heavy Springing , as the Professional Cow Punchers say ..

In keeping with what his Ranch Mentor , Jim Kennedy , once told him… “Keep a close eye on those First Calf Heifers ..they are prone to have problems…”

Turns out the heifer had already mastered all the skills needed to deliver and DEFEND her new-born baby ..

Apathetic to her new role as “Momma Cow” , Zeke approached her in his usual manner… feed bucket in hand.. surveying the perimeter for any signs of the new born baby ..He brought a bucket of feed to a foot race !

He turned his attention promptly back to the cow …just in time to observe the lowering of her head , and projectile snot blowing intensely from both nostrils…She challenged him to a retreat back to his truck ..

Zeke being the fit example of agility often seen only at the NFR , she nailed him twice before he could escape bodily harm….all without any help from a Rodeo Clown..

Fist encounter with his lower backside elevated him to new heights , and gave little time for an alternate method of escape.. crawl under his truck…or.. make a second dash for safety inside the cab..?

Inadvertently , momma cow made that split-second decision for him… she blasted him a second courtesy shot….. pinning Zeke to the grille of his trusty Dodge ranch truck ..as snot and other yet unidentified liquids drooled down his back….

he’s now in his third day of recovery in his recliner.. very gingerly eating candy coated peanuts and recounting his near-death experience with the first-calf heifer … Merry Christmas from Texas Monthly…