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Archive for June, 2017

Independence Day

Is America a great nation or what ?

Carolyn woke up with a craving for Coconut Cream Pie… sickly though she was , she just couldn’t seem to shake the craving…

So I manned the phone banks..  called the Woolf Den…no luck …reverted to the old stand-by Sweet Boys for sweeeet results…

” Yeah we got one , fresh outta the oven , for twenty bucks and small change “……… I’m on my way !

After strict instructions for Carolyn to remain on the bed.. I blasted off for Sweet Boy’s Pie Emporium ..post-haste…

While approaching the Ultimate Store , some inattentive Red-neck pulled his 68 Winnebago straight out in front of me.. I hit the brakes and the horn simultaneously to avoid crashing his antiquated Box-Car on wheels.. this rig gave all the outward appearances of having set under a tree for at least a decade…and all the inward appearances of being controlled by a drunken idiot..

After opposing traffic cleared ,the timid bride , driving a chase car behind him , smiled sheepishly as I shot around them with the F-150 pawing at the asphalt…. then I glanced right, as climbing the Other Man’s Hill, at the shirtless redneck driving the Smithsonian Winnebago..

He was livid…half naked ….hanging out the open window of Winney , with only the soles of his feet remaining behind the wheel of the decrepid Hundred Dollar Motor Coach….. He fired me the International Salute… with great animated emphasis…he put his heart and soul into it …

I repeat , Is this a great nation or what ?…. He had the freedom to drive that hunk-o-junk to the lake for the 4th week-end….straight out in front of me….

I had the inherent freedom to blast my horn at his poor choice of loose termed transportation and his despicable driving skills…

In turn , he exercised his First amendment right with a patriotic salute in my direction… middle finger…repeatedly……………………. God Bless America..

Trump’s Making America Great Again , just like 1960…….. gotta love it !!

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Denny’s Doing Fine..

Carolyn and I ventured over to Bellmire this morning , only to find it is no-longer called Bellmire… It’s now something far more descriptive , but a clean and modern facility much more inviting for patients and visitors alike..

The primary purpose of our visit was to check the status of Carolyn’s older brother, Jerry McDonald, who fell and broke his hip last week..He is progressing well..

The secondary mission was to surprise Nocona’s Mayor Protem Denny Ray with an impromptu visit from home folks..

The receptionist allowed us to gain entry thru the electronic door , then directed us to Mr. Towerys room down the hall… #204 … He was not at home..

My search for Mr. Towery ended under an outdoor gazebo , where a group of tobacco addicts had gathered for a temporary fix….. Denny was there , seated in the shade , spitting and sputtering like a John Deere tractor

Denny was totally surprised by my unannounced visit… Immediately he began asking about his Jeans Bible Class friends and the lack of their frequent appearance at this location…

I rendered the news that Dr. Scott had abandoned his teaching duties , in exchange for a greener calling in Boseman Montana .. subsequently he inquired about his God-Father , Ed Fenotee..

I reassured him Ed was still flush with pictures of dead Presidents and was saving some for him..

After informing Denny Ray of that welcome news , he asked if I had Ed’s cell #…  Indeed I do…. I have him right here on speed-dial…. Hold on I’ll ring him up for you…

After a short burst of rings , Ed answered.. I handed the flip-phone to Denny…

He immediately launched a laundry-list of fresh fruit requests… Apples, bananas, peaches , oranges, etc… plus a sleeve of smokeless tobacco ,and a few pictures of Ben Franklin or Jefferson , or Abe…

Ed has not legally adopted him yet … but has assumed responsibility for his addictions to snuff , fresh fruits , and pocket-money used to bribe nursing home help for indiscriminate favors .. Such is the life of Denny Ray…

He’s living the life becoming a past Mayoral majesty….. watching t.v. , taking mid-day naps , spittin and sputtering snooch on all who happen by..eating fresh fruit like Caesar Augusta..  Plain language..

He’s got it made…in the shade !

 

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The object of much local disdain has passed the way of an unauthorized burn pit….Custom Water Corporation has fallen , literally , to a younger, more congenial CEO..

Only the cold concrete slab now stands as a reminder , where lucrative deals were made…where rate increases were hatched and nurtured by the ruthless purveyor… Ben Dover .. where carcases were skinned and bones picked clean..

Much like Civil War Monuments in Louisiana , Ed’s office has been torn down…discarded.. and eventually forgotten as relics of a previous life under the thumb of Ben Dover and his Mexican minions… bad memories are slow to fade…

How we all long for the days of unlimited grace…under the compassionate non-profit CEO , Earl Richardson…

$5.00 a month bought unmetered access to flowing waters.. Cold and clear and clean.. all natural water…. Just like the Lord and Earl both intended…

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Getting It Straight…

I was NOT looking at the pictures in Playboy… I was reading an article about Emerson Bigguns….complete with illustrations..

19366110_10213266449116683_3737741668984137132_n Waiting....

 

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Got another notice in the mail yesterday…. the THIRD rate increase from Ben Dover water monopoly … seems the hostile takeover has left Ben with only one option… rob the poor people for a final time in order to maintain his extravagant lifestyle… pigeons are prohibitively pensive…

Then on my way to town today , I notice some disgruntled customer had ripped Ben’s back door off the hinges.. tossed it aside….leaving the skinning room open to the elements…exposed to inclimate weather.. terrorist attack….environmentally friendly to free-ranging weasels and birds of prey..

Rebellion is imminate… the natives are restless … their tap- water has reached the boiling point….  Three strikes , he’s out… Ben stepped in it this time…

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I’ve been on a mission for weeks…trying to disprove the theory that Zeke has never smiled in his life… Finally I found the proof needed to dispel that nasty rumor about his even temper…

However , I had to search the archives back to 1959 to find such visual depiction of his charming smile…

This picture of his ready smile and pleasant demeanor was captured long before he ever met Ed in primary school..

  • note the pistol in his hand…it’s loaded !

10409325_4281475532028_1155470331572773112_n Zeke.............

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Five Alarm Fiasco

The first rays of Saturday’s light prompted a venture to the Ultimate for a pack of Chesterfield 100’s…where I discovered cigs are much cheaper in Pakistan than in Italy..

They’re a buck and a half cheaper now than when the Italian Stallion was tending the till…but that’s another story…

My secondary mission was to rid my household of the discarded magazine selections that Ray Walker secretly subscribed to in my name and my address , back when he was still pricking the peasants thru the Postal Department… thanks Chipper for the weekly reminder that I owe a great debt of vengeance that shall forever remain unpaid until we meet again.. but that’s still not the primary concern of this blog revelation..

As I passed by Becky Hollands house, while in route to the Pakistani Strip Mall , I was surprised to see no less than six sparkling new fire trucks strewn around the perimeter of her house…including what once was a Community Garden on the south side..

My first thoughts were purely nostalgic… How sweet .. Becky is cooking breakfast for the Montague Volunteers ..again…, just like in the old days… when Saturday morning meant unlimited flap-jacks at Becky’s place..

Then regrettably I observed a Care Flight helicopter landing in her yard.. midst the previous spot where rows of  Collards and Cucumbers once thrived..

Dear Lord… Becky has had the Big One…judging by the magnitude of the First-Line display, she’s either had a massive stroke or flat-lined or overdosed on cheap wine..

I tipped my hat as I drove by .. in remembrance of Becky’s youth..1957.. the year Chevrolet introduced a classic , and Becky did too.. I remember them both quite well…

Hope all turns out well with Becky , but I’m outta smokes… looks like Kerry and the MVFD has this deal fully covered… as Goob would say ” see ya on farther down the trail “

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