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Archive for November, 2008

caviar and crowd control….

   laborious and meticulous planning manifest itself at daddy sam’s last night as danny boy and cousin tony hosted the last big oil boom party of 2008 . a couple hundred anxious guests gathered to savor the atmosphere , the fine food and drink , the music , the hospitality of nocona’s premiere party animal.

    cruise line smorgasbords would be envious of danny’s attention to preparation and presentation… he had delicacies for the most discriminating palates…exotic fruits , perfectly formed cheeses , dips n’ chips , various grain crackers , grilled tenderloin and the most wonderful ribs one could imagine..

  the guest list read like who’s who in nocona…a social event for the elite personal friends of “the red ant”..decades of discriminating selection from the diverse spectrum of professions produced a wide variety of guests… lawyers dining with teachers , musicians dining with cattlemen , real estate brokers dining with politicians ,  oilmen dining with retail store managers..and one lowly water-plant employee with a big-chief tablet…..

    as always , dining with danny is a delightful culinary and musical experience in the 1900 saloon atmosphere… every single minute detail has been attended with only a solitary exception..

   he failed to account for the skunky moral background and fleshly transgressions of these normally well behaved business and professional guests…

   some time after the elegant meal , and the first set by the obviously professional muscians , the alcohol began to take effect on these hometown guys and gals.. a verbal dispute lead to a physical contest of strength in the bar… some slug was rendered unconscious in front of the band-stand….proper feminine guests were spilling drinks and talking dirty….. another crawled on his hands and knees from a sick-session in the men’s room…

    danny’s galant effort to provide a touch of culture to the hopelessly crimson red-neck’s life  was coming unraveled before his very eyes… being a quick study of the situation , he immediately began tripping breakers… turning off lights and screaming obscenities …. get out you drunk son’s of **&%^*^#%^& …. THE PARTY’S OVER !

    aaaah ! yes another night to remember at the ever popular watering hole of the rich and famous… daddy sams in beautiful down-town nocona…

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chipper’s long-siut

  thanksgiving is history and chipper has grown restless… he’s scheduled to travel to south texas for another chapter of the never ending domino tournament of senior motor-home owners..

    however , he may have to cancel for an impromptu trip to D.C. to assume ownership of the latest addition to his republican toy-box… he had the winning bid on obama’s campaign motor-home… complete with life size democratic logo’s of barrack’s profile painted on both sides..it’s a one-of-a-kind articulating motor-home… bends in the middle for maneuvering sharp turns…

     much like the fire trucks of new york city , his new coach is equipped with a steering axle in the front and rear… two drivers … front and rear.. it’ll require both chipper and mary to navigate the exit ramp to wal-mart…

  this thing is longer than the payment book at hootie’s big bank… it’s the electra 225 of motor homes.. bigger is better and chipper’s gonna have the best …. intercom system is required from front to rear for communication needed to attain free over-night parking at wal-mart… it’s longer than a prostitutes  dream… longer than ed’s resumee…longer than grumpy’s rap sheet…it’s longer than chipper’s cell-phone conversations…well, maybe not that long , but it’s long !

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tourists at the taj !

  due to the ongoing terrorist attack presently unfolding in mumbi india , the resulting fire , destruction , and hostage situation currently imposed on international guests at the taj mahal hotel , tom’s five-star hotel (taj-fenotee) has moved into the number one position as the most popular international tourists destination..

   an influx of world travelers has been detoured to the taj on the lake , to avoid further deterioration in mumbi.. head of security (ranger scott) says he expects no terrorist incidents at the taj fenotee compound due to the recent security addition of two waggin-tail perimeter dogs…

   these two highly trained k-9’s will assure guests of the taj-fenotee that no commando raids could possibly succeed within the confines of the hotel property… ranger scott has a fully loaded a-k-747 and additional clips plus the air assault team of night-crawler and chipper , to suppress any threat of up-rising…

   owner-operator , tom o’neal , was quoted as saying ” it’s as safe as any motel in oak-cliff dallas “.. thanks to ranger scott , night crawler  and those two vicious dogs..

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thank God for ladies..

  thanksgiving day is fast approaching … time to over eat and watch football while the little ladies clean up the monumental mess in the kitchen…the dishwasher is no match for burned on augraten potatoes.. humongus pans for cornbread dressing or five gallon stewers used for cooking red beans…every plate in the house is dirty…. sorry ladies , you’ll just have to scrub that burned on cheese loose by hand…

   i hate that the guys are’nt free to help with the drudgery of cleaning up after twenty five ravenous grandkids , but it’s thanksgiving day…late in the first half…. romo’s got a sore finger and t.o.’s got slick hands… this game could go either way and it’s the last game ever to be played in texas stadium…

   it’s my duty as a dedicated cowboy fan to lay right here on the couch and give coach phillips a helping hand on calling the plays… he’s depending on me as in hundreds of games in the past , to jump to my feet and scream at the screen when tyrel owens drops the ball . the outcome of the game depends on it ! heck , the outcome of the season could depend on it …

   i just can’t desert the cowboys now !…. speaking of dessert , could you bring me another piece of your momma’s pumpkin pie , and not so stingy with the whipped cream this time… thanks honey..happy thanksgiving day !

  where’s my memory foam pillow , i’m feelin a little sleepy !

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crime stoppers bonanza

  news flash !… hot off the hermaninator’s two-way radio… someone is stealing round bales of hay from tiny’s ranch headquarters… across fifty-nine from the judges daughter ! …. current economic difficulties have caused a good man to falter…

    this brazen individual is commiting grand larceny practically in the front yard of the county probation officer’s house , in broad open daylight…..apparently using tiny’s own truck and bale spike to transport the stolen goods down hwy 175 to the veretti cut-off …then west to Mc cummins ranch..

   herminator tracked the scattered straw from tiny’s storage spot, across a low-water crossing , to a cast iron feed trough located in the salt creek bottom…

   witnesses reported seeing a suspicious elderly, rotund , bearded , severely balding italian in that area about the same time as the alleged crime..the keen eye of the herminator also detected a mauled cigar stub and a canceled shrine-fest ticket near the scene of the crime.. 

     any informant revealing the true identity of this dago hay thief is intitled to a discount coupon , worth three dollars off , on their next purchase of a loaf of bread at the ultimate inconvenient store..plus a free back stage pass to lue’s midway club…

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intolerant observation

  i’m experiencing great difficulty in clearing my mind of the hypocrisy demonstrated by the gay community in their recent refusal to accept the will of california voters… they advocate tolerance from both government and citizens for their chosen lifestyle , while adomently refusing to accept what the majority of their neighbors have legally decided..

   they seek tolerance and acceptance, but are unwilling to show tolerance towards christians or secular citizens who disapprove of their agenda… and fail to accept what a clear majority has mandated..

   homosexuality is not a victimless choice even when practiced between two consenting adults… the victims are anyone living under the stars and stripes.. if not for inviting the wrath of God on our great nation , it would be no business of mine what two slugs do in the confines of their own home ..

   if i did not believe the Bible to be the holy inspired word of the true and living God , and that same Bible did not say that man’s unnatural affection for man is an abomination , then and only then would i concede that it’s no concern of mine what type of relationship men or women choose as normal acceptable behavior.. but God has stated His will concerning marriage and His mandate for unacceptable behavior…

   it’s written in first corinthians chapter six , verse nine :   do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God ?   do not be deceived :  neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor theives nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. (n.i.v.)

   if the preceding paragraph strikes you as offensive… take it up with your Creator…they are undeniably His words… i make no apologies for what you may view as intolerance…

   that same God is not willing that any should perish …romans six.. twenty three says :   for the wages of sin is death , but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord …

       therefore , don’t get mad….. get right , it’s not an unpardonable sin , but it is unacceptable behavior….

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mascarade mooslums

   justice was finally served yesterday to five accused members of the holy land foundation , based in richardson texas … they were convicted of funneling millions to hamas under the pretense of being a palastinian charity organization.. sending american dollars to terrorists from a store front in dallas.

   they reportedly sent twelve million dollars over a period of fifteen years before george w. put a freeze on their assets back in 01..

    my question would be , how much money is needed to fund a bunch of unkept mooslums living in a cave.. walking every where they go…

   i’ve never seen a wal-mart in any of the desert scenes from northern iraq or the mountain slopes of afganastan ..they’re obviously not spending much on wardrobe or automobiles , or even soap… so where does all that money go ?…..  ammunition and cigarettes !

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