Flip Phone Fiasco…

Public facilities are limited for the throngs of musical enthusiast converging on Turkey Texas for Bob Wills groupies each Spring … Port-A-Johns hosted long lines for impatient patrons.. often continuing their dance moves near the door..

Once secured behind the thumb latched barrier , secrets of blue-water observations become real…. in an instant !

As I held my breath …  opting for the urinal riveted to the left-hand wall rather than the repulsive mountain of culinary remnants deposited strategically within the open pit .. I began the ritual of operating the nostalgic purchased 501 Levi’s.. button fly jeans.. disregarding the precarious position of my Flip-Phone hanging directly over the Black HOLE..

As the band played George Strait in the background , my prized flipper fell Straight down into impending darkness… not even a glancing blow against the halo as it fell..

There it sat amidst a mountain of discarded Charmin …. looking back at me… like a cherry on a Dairy Queen Sundae …

Seconds past as I evaluated my decision .. whether to bid it farewell , or sacrifice pride and cautious second thoughts for sake of my floundering friend..

Thoughts of a decade of loyal service overcame common sense… I had to save my intermittent contact with civilization despite my reluctance to go where few men ever go…. down in the dungeon … where Lucifer lives..

I used $5 worth of paper cleaning my $3 dollar flipper , drying my hands , and returning her to her rightful position on my hip.

Stepping out the door to greet the waiting patrons , as though there is no There there.. smiling to myself as the proud Life Guard who had just payed the ultimate price for two-bars of Social Media… It still works…

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Faded Love …..

I mortgaged the farm to take my best girl to the world renowned Bob Wills Festival in Turkey Texas over the weekend….. stayed in a luxury suite at Motel Six in Childress  ( two rooms)…. dined in only the best restaurants … tipped waiters and doormen and Valets like a German … maxed out my card.. expended all my cash , only to have a Bob Wills guitar-pickin bank-executive with a Texas drawl , make a unapologetic play for her affections…. Keep your enemies close , and your assumed friends even closer…

Bob Wills original ” Texas Playboy ” …. from Graham Texas .. Jay Goober..

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Cause for Ovulating Concern…

Just learned from Ben Dover that he’s concerned about Betsy’s delicate condition .. He thinks she’s “Springing”… but has reservations of the positive results of Home-Tests.. indicating that the involuntary Lab Rabbit had died… anxiety takes it’s toll at Harmony Acres..

Hence , he’s taking her for a professional opinion today …. in Denton .. where Super-Meg’s shingle hangs in obscurity behind the house… Obstetrics is his Long Suit ..

I also overheard the term ” Immaculate Conception ” introduced during our brief conversation… casting doubt on his cautious concerns ..

Either way , Yay or Nay , at 72 Ben’s just proud to be accused …

 

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Brooks Stole the Show…

Look who’s up to BAT… Brooks Avery Taylor.. born yesterday , to Kristen and Heath Taylor , just as her Great Grandfather arrived at Wichita General.. 3:45 pm to witness the proud and glorious day for the Taylors.. Words are woefully inadequate to describe what God orchestrated during the course of that monumental day…. she is the first child for the Taylors , but the last in a series of miracles performed by God to reach this most sacred moment.. Congratulations Heath and Kristen….and beautiful Brooks..

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Hung Jury….

Mere days after having the historic rocks of Carminatti Grocery disposed of on his personal property , Ben Dover was seen entering Montague County Court this morning ..

The local Mafia figure was accompanied by his loyal bride , but noticeably absent from his side was his common-bred service dog , Buddy…

Imagination leads me to believe that possible heirs of the Carminati clan have sought unsucessfully to retain a few stones from the decorative store-front…

The subsequent suit to settle this discrepency of ownership , could easily take longer than the bargining process currently underway at the four-way stop sign…. with MISD..

The pallatability of hewn sand stones is best enjoyed when wrapped in sugar-cured bacon , spiced with copious amounts of Fennel seed , and served hot off the grill ….

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Bruised ….and Battered in Cornmeal

Local Crappie fisherman , Zeke Bowles , had a near death experience along the rugged shoreline of Lake Amon G. last week…

While retrieving a basket filled with Crappie , along with six rods and reels , a tackle box , and numerous sacks of fishing snacks ,up a slipper bank to his waiting Dodge .. He inadvertently lost his footing and plunged head-long down the rocky bluff to the water’s edge….

Luckily his head hit a rock rather that the Family Size sack of Lay’s Chips .. He was knocked uncontious  , submerged in the briney depths , beneath a 35 pound tackle box and sundry assortment of Hostess Twinkies …breathing through a short section of water hose..

Miraculously he was dragged back to the surface by the stringer of startled Crappie still clutched in his callosed hand..

His pride is bruised and battered worse that his arm or his back .. but here below is valid proof that this fishing story is completly accurate.. He had Crappie for supper last night…

 

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Being Single…

In the interest in preserving the one good friend I have left in Montague County , the names have been changed to protect the guilty … any similarities between the subject and the guy you may know , are strictly coincidental  …

Once upon a time , following a difficult divorce , my friend was sequestered to a deserted family farm to gather his thoughts and remaining self-respect..

The meager accommodations included only a bed-stead and wire bedsprings for a place to rest his head … no indoor plumbing for freshening up from the Summer heat.. only a water well down by the barn and a short length of hose ..

This timid individual threw the hose over a tree branch , and proceeded to take his daily shower in front of the World … all was well straight out of the well … but no towel and no house slippers for the long jaunt back to the house..

Still reeling from the financial crunch of his recent divorce , and oblivious to obvious dangers.. he sat midst his grief on the exposed wire bed springs , totally nude….

He pondered his delimma briefly at the expence of comfort , but soon realized standing was far more comfortable than his current resting place…..

Here’s where things get dicey…  when he stood up , the bear-trap springs were sprung .. grabbing his business in a death defying grip…  He bolted… dragging the bed with him across the room before coming loose.. skin , hair, and blood marked the scene … He had already lost his ass to an x-wife that very day , now he was reduced to a Capon by a set of Sears-Roebuck bed springs…

Some days it don’t pay to be set free .. perhaps he should have just been hung …

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Closed for Remodeling …

After only eight long months of indecision , postponements , and legal delays , all that remains of the infamous Carminatti Grocery in Montague , is a historic pile of rubble ..

The Hot Horseshoe was eventually passed to Commissioner Murphey and Commissioner Bob… what that destructive-duo can’t tear up ain’t been invented..

Neither legal red-tape nor driving rain can keep these dedicated public servants from their appointed duties…. Mr. Gorbachev , Tear down that Wall..

Thanks to TXDOT for their lack of responsibility , thanks to Local Authorities for their reluctance to expedite the logical conclusion.. .

Thanks to all who endured the endless inconvenience of  ” Who Has the Right of Way “.. both sides say Yield ..

Luckily , no one was killed during the Lawyer’s Marathon performance .. Cindy Minor can safely return to work at the Post Office , without updating her Will or kissing Whiner Good-Bye..

A subsequent problem emerged during the demolition process… all that’s left to deal with now is the total Power Outage in the Capitol City …  we’ll see if it takes Texas-New Mexico 8 months to resolve their issue …… bet it don’t..

 

 

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He Who Laughs Last….

Storm clouds are gathering in the Capitol… Ben is under audit yet again… where there’s smoke etc…

Not all collusion is in DC… Trickle Down Economics starts with a tapping fee…

Wrap arounds are usually foreign to water purveyors , but there are exceptions to Masonic Law..

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22 Alarm Blaze in Capitol City

In his rush to attain residence in the thriving Community of Montague , a recent immigrant failed to realize we already had an Ed living north of the stop-sign in our fair city…. Investigator Hamilton suspects the family arsonist struck the match that burnt Chicago …

No sooner had he had utilities turned on , the entire previous 4-star restaurant burst into spontaneous flames .. Totally engulfed inferno …

Mutual Aid was summoned from surrounding Fire Departments .. Guys in full bunker gear reported to Unit 5101 at the scene…Brush-Trucks.. Tankers… Ladder Trucks.. and two neighboring Ambulances came to assist… News reporters appeared…air support dispatched from Weger International … all hands on deck.. yet the best of the best were unable to save anything other than the Lot…. and a small concrete cellar..

Hats off to Tommy O’Neal … and his diverse flock of pyromaniacs for saving the Court House and the fatally injured Carminatti Grocery Bldg…   Still just one ” Ed ” resides on the impoverished North Side..

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