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Archive for the ‘chicken stories’ Category

  I know countless registered voters have spent sleepless nights and apprehensive days wondering just who might win the Republican Primary… but while national attention is directed towards uncertain political decisions and the consequences our country will surely pay for that troublesome decision , a matter of greater importance slips by almost un-noticed by main-stream media..

    This morning at 9 a.m. a decision of equal importance will be publicly cast before a gallery of spell-bound viewers in Montague County… It’s chicken judging day at the Nocona Project Show..

   Professional chicken-judges , much like myself , will determine winners and losers according to nationally accepted chicken-standards.. There’ll be no fat yellow chickens in the winners circle.. only the well proportioned,  well-disciplined , well-groomed cacklers will be considered for auction on Saturday night..

  Ultimately the winner of this coveted recognition can inadvertently determine the future poultry-market prices at Second Monday Trade Days ..

  The winner of this prestigious award will receive an impromptu photo-shoot by the nationally acclaimed Nocona News , thrusting them into the spot-light of such publications as the Farmer’s Almanac , and entitle them to a personal interviewed for later publication on Shortfellow’s Blog…

   This is where the infamous rooster know nationally as  ” Noah ” rose to instantaneous fame and misfortune .. You remember Noah , he was the sole survivor of the chicken-house flood of 98…

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Little but loud ….

  You see I’ve got this pint-sized yeller rooster , home raised and extremely proud.. His mother may have been frightened by a hawk back last spring , cause he has an extremely keen eye.. He can dodge a coke-bottle nine outta ten times..

   He’s an annoying little bugger … sits just outta range and crows his banty-lungs out just cause he knows it ruffles my feathers after a non-stop session during a smoke-break on the porch.

    On the other hand , his momma may have caved in to the neighbor’s peacock …. cause he thinks he’s the baddest thing on the farm… He’ll attack when you turn your back , spurring the back of your leg when you least expect it.. he’s a chicken , on yeah he really is a chicken !

    I know he’s tuff cause he’s one of about twenty-five chicks to weather the snakes and bob-cats all the way through his adolescent life.. He’s the sole survivor from five years of dedicated production… 

   I never connected on thirty attempts to stifle his incessant crowing with a chunked plank , a limb , or bottle or what ever was lying handy, but I finally found the disciplinary tool to silence his exhibition and send him scurrying for the hen-house. 

   Despite his eagle eye and reflexes of a hummingbird , he can’t out run or dodge what he can not see..  The trusty old Ben-Franklin pellet gun puts him on the run …but I can still hear him crowing from the back-side of the chicken house..

   I would eat him for Sunday Dinner but there’s not enough there for a decent meal …. maybe he can flavor some corn-bread dressing come Thanksgiving Day… I’ll bet he taste like vinegar !

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    Red Walser needs to be looking at his hold-card… possibly seeking alternative means of gainful employ… cause my determined hens are setting with a vengeance ! Red’s days as chicken-king of Montague County are obviously numbered..

    Wet-Feathers Ranch has a hen with four sibling chicks on the ground , one hen hatching a clutch as we speak , and four more hens covering fertile eggs with anticipation and high expectations of increasing the herd…

  Foregoing any unforseen circumstances like chicken-snake invasions , coyote assaults on the hen-house , brooder-coop infiltration by ravenous bob-cats , or heat-stroke related casualties in the hen-house delivery ward , we should / could /would actually turn a profit in chicken production this year..

  Nine years of record chicken losses could relinquish it’s stronghold on the bottom line profit margin this year… Red Walser’s reign of registered rooster raising is grinding to an industry sub-standard  halt .

  Scoot over Red , there’s another big cock on the roost !

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 In the cool of the July evening when shadows start to grow long , when the porch-swing beckons for the companionship of a gentle ride…when Lipton’s leaves taste sweeter than honey ….it’s great red-neck entertainment to ease open the chicken house door and watch the chicken-sprint race for open sections of lawn where the scattered grasshoppers graze … tender morsels of chicken cuisine …..lustful leg-horn devastation …

   It’s a farmville tag-team marathon …. each feathered fowl involved in their own pursuit…for critters of varying size and flight durations …chicken siblings can turn on each other when big yellow hopper’s at stake … rude behavior of rival red roosters or intolerant  hens …good manners and friendships fall by the way-side as the pickens grow slim …

  The feast’s  maddening pace slowed only by swollen craws and terrorized locust seeking isolated timber …..as the last rays of evening sun prevent all-out extinction of hoppers green and yellow at the Last-Chance Chicken ranch ….

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Chicken warning …

  In light of the fact that Ed was still in recovery mode in Wichita Falls , i had no choice but drive myself to Bible Class this morning….. and due to the fact i had promised W.W.W. Red Walser delivery on a discarded chicken coop from my ranch , i chose to kill two birds with one stone..

    Red failed to show at bible class.. ( time-change mix-up ) so after church i headed through town to red’s house… just as i was turning down red’s street a flash of red & blue lights appeared in my rear-view….

  Cheese it… the cops !… i met one of Nocona’s finest … up close and personal !  He approached the truck and asked the nature of my emergency….explanation of excess speed..

   Immediately i pointed to the coop in the back… ya see that chicken coop ? I’m trying to get it to Red Walser as quick as i can …

  The pleasant patrol officer went on to say…. If you’re attempting to assist red in confining his free-range chickens , I’m gonna let you off with a verbal warning… You see , red’s chickens have long been the source of civil-unrest in the neighborhood… Your delivery of this much-needed coop will help curb range-chickens in the street and dampen near riot conditions in the east part of town…… slow down and have a safe day ! …(never knew W.W. W. < won’t work walser > had such influence with the law-enforcement community )…

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 what kind of heartless prickster would dump four large chicken-hens in a monsoon rain storm ?… all traces of delivery tracks have been washed away , only four strange BIG chickens and as many huge brown eggs add to the head count  suspense in the hen-house…. 9 originals plus 17 christmas infiltrators ….plus 4 more amazon chickens….

  the roosts are buckling under the weight….and so is my feed-budget !… i’m finished,,,

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Chicken Feed…

 Some ner-do-well Republican publicized the hidden pork-fat attached to the Presidents jobs-bill … (camo-stimulous )… that constituent pork came in the form of $75,000,000 earmarked for poultry farmers… chicken feed ….

  Perhaps Ed and I will be the recipients of a massive tax-money wind-fall grant…… we’ve got more chickens than Bo Pilgrim !…thanks to an some wealthy anonymous donor … and Lord knows we need more feed !… I’ll check the mail-box Ed , you gather the eggs !

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