Archive for September, 2009

high voltage varetti

    it’s been a couple of days since the double-slide motor home belonging to the flat-land cotton farmer pulled out of ed’s driveway… after a three day stay… the light meter has finally quit spinning and cooled enough to touch…

  a cord the size of  overhead power lines supplied voltage for varetti’s multiple air conditioners and appliances for 72 hours … hooked up directly to ed’s fifty amp service ..dead-short….peak use rates should be sufficient to put Texas-New Mexico  in the black….  varetti used welding gloves to roll up the smoking extention cord when he finally left…

  the west texas cap rock farmer and dust-bowl correspondant nancille , were returning from a visit with the kid’s in austin… stopped by ed’s just long enough to attend the night crawler’s past due wedding and catapult ed notee into electrical bankruptcy … did’nt require much time for either !  …..

     ..ya’ll come back real soon , i hardly had time to visit and i do love watching ed sweat !


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  the f.b.i. , c.i.a. , and homeland security have performed extremely well in recent weeks ….  they have identified , detained , and arrested several would-be terrorists plotting to cause bodily harm to american citizens….  plots have been discovered in dallas , denver , and the latest and least publicized plot in a new orlean’s air-port….

   local oil magnet , dry-hole henley , was traveling in the company of his lovely bride… attempting to parlay his vast oil fortune into Exxon status , when bells and whistles startled the medal detector attendants from their evening nap ….the alert new orlean’s airport authority discovered a weapon of mass castration , conveniently concealed in henley’s pants pocket… he was sporting a six-inch folding k-bar… capable of slicing the most stubborn margarine on his in-flight dinner plate…

   homeland security spent the next two hours water-boarding the suspicious character , attempting to discover his true identity and the sinister intentions of  his concealed macheti …while beck shopped non-stop in the air-port gift shop…

   eventually the home-grown terrorist was released under his own recognisance  to locate beck and her platinum card…. the personalized ” Cholla ” pig-sticker remains in the custody of the highly efficient american home-land security…awaiting it’s eventual trip to a Bourbon street pawn-shop ….

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misfit mason

  how many fifty mile trips does it require to be fitted for a custom made tuxedo…. apparently more than i ever imagined !…. a nameless rotund shriner has experienced thirty days of measure six times , cut once , since he signed a contractual obligation with a wichita falls tailor… numerous time consuming ventures for excessive alterations leads the casual observer to believe the un-named subject must have been holding his gut in during the original fitting… further complications include one sleeve shorter than the other… problems stemming from steel reinforced waist-band , and multiple length adjustments…

    most conservative masons choose to simply rent their tux for the seldom occasion that requires the penguin appearance….but not the good brother… the shrine is a chance to shine regardless of cost or difficulty involved in achieving a close fit….silk purse-sow’s ear syndrome….

   the impatient tailor was a tee-totaler when this process began , now he drinks a quart before coming to work… phone calls , repeat visits , and ripped stitches have driven him over the edge…. my suggestion would be why not just build the tux to fit a round-bale of coastal hay… elastic pajama waste-band..and shallow pockets !  he’ll be broke when this fiasco is finished anyway…

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clabbered court-ship

   hard times have hit close to home for many locals…coffee shop rumors indicate that little danny suffered a lay-off from his lucrative milking  job in windthorst…. the milk production lady cut the fence and put him out on the county road …down-sized her herd…. left the gate down….culled the red ant for younger , more productive stock ….

   ed seemed to think the reason for the termination was an early frost in clay and archer county… killed the milk lady’s lawn , eliminating any need for a yard-man…a.k.a. danny-boy….  he’s extremely bitter about the involuntary transaction…. she ran him through the separator and found him blinky , you might say dairyman danny is lactose intolerant…..crying over spilled milk…

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 sunset today marks the end of the Holy Jewish holiday Yom Kappur… a twenty five hour period dedicated to forgiveness and repentance… marked by fasting and prayer…

   Jews celebrate this holy day as Iran test fires another missile to intimidate surrounding american military bases and the nation of Israel … how long is Israel expected to ignore the threat of total destruction from the islamic nation before they act , with or without support from their supposed alii , the United States of America…to defend itself from the pending nuclear attack..

  how much flack is Benjamin Netanyahu expected to take from the neighborhood bulley before blacking his eye ?

  Christians are Biblically duty bound to pray for peace in Jerusalem..but that does not mean stand like sheep til muslim extremist develope a nuclear bomb intended to destroy the Jewish nation…..

    all Americans , including the current president , would be well served to bless the nation of Israel by standing firm with their right to not just exist , but expand throughout land that is righteously theirs…

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sunday service

   spent a good portion of the day yesterday in the company of  Christians , at Central Christian Church in nocona….they were celebrating preacher Scott’s latest achievement…his  phd…. i was mooching in…listening to the quest speaker..Steve , the song-bird pianist , who turned out to be the preacher’s  talented wife Rebecca…and wondering why this beautiful old church had never been featured in texas-monthly.. it’s a perfectly preserved snap-shot of stained glass and exposed ceiling beams from the late 1800’s …immaculately cared for..consistantly maintained… snow-white exterior perched aboard hand-hewed sand-stone blocks , the tall slender arch shaped windows allow God’s light to flood the antiquity inside… dancing eloquently through a maze of exposed oak beams overhead….it’s breath takingly beautiful ….

   what a great day !  worshiping a great God and celebrating the achievements of a great friend… Doctor hamilton..

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burnt offering…

   the formerly thankless hero preparing mouth-watering bar-b-que ribs for the wedding feast of  darren (night -crawler ) fenotee ,  was none other than our own home-town one-man demolition derby , ultimate oilfield employee …..culinary chef and ranch foreman ,  frito fred…..with left-hand thread ….

  his meticulous attention to details of duty , whether tending company livestock or relentlessly slow-cooking countless racks of baby back ribs…is unmatched by even the most seasoned veteran of ultimate oil company… brady o’neal’s go-to-guy… mr. dependable..frito-fred…

   undeniably the most consistent and predictable member of our proud community… who could possibly Not love frito ?

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