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Archive for November, 2011

Montague medical …

 An almost unbearable medical mystery has befallen the Chris Hamilton family.. their teenage daughter Chloey has been experiencing seizures with increasing frequency.

  I can only imagine the depth of their concern and helplessness in this undiagnosed condition .. Join me in petitioning our source of all hope in seemingly helpless situations … God is still on His throne and still answers our heartbroken prayers ..

  Prayer is most powerful and most persuasive when that’s ALL you have to offer …please pray for Chloey and the whole Hamilton family..

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Say what ?

 Texas proud Governor Rick Perry has given up his position in the next political debate for an unscheduled guest-appearance on the brainiac show  “Jeopardy” ..

   His area of expertise lies in a seldom used category entitled …” Could you repeat the Question”  ..for two-hundred . …..Double Jeopardy…..

    Question: a condition common to presidential candidates who can’t remember shit…

    Perry’s answer….What is….”cognition constipation”

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Christmas theft ….

 I stopped by the soup kitchen this morning at five to turn the central heat to max setting in anticipation of Wednesday’s influx of hungry clients.

    There on the porch was a delivery from Fed-Ex…. except some prickster had rifled the contents ..leaving the empty box for my disposal …. Looks like the neighbor ( quarterhorse )will have a Merry Christmas playing with MY stolen Chia-Pet rendition of Obama’s terra-cotta head.

   Tom needs to find something to keep his employees in check .. one in particular is terrorizing the commercial neighborhood. She desperately needs a switch in her stocking ! There’s a thought !

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Farmer Jones …

 The folks from Guinness World Record Book stopped in the ultimate store this morning. Their GPS was off by a quarter-mile .. They were searching for T.J.’s place to establish his valid claim to the world’s most expensive hay-crop..

   Seems Royce cut-raked-and baled Jones thirty acre coastal-patch for a modest contract sum of $850.00 , and when the crop was eventually laid by , he had a whopping two round-bale harvest for-sale ..

  Based on the old style math taught by Uncle Melvin , that tallies $425.oo per bale and makes Jones an undisputable shoe-in for the World’s Most Expensive Coastal Hay…but …. it also qualifies him for Obama’s Agricultural Bail-Out revenue ..

   Disclaimer *** Shortfellow is not responsible for the accuracy or slanderous implications of this second-hand information…it came from a questionable source just north of the hay field !

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Raising Cain ….

Retaliation has already begun on the lady that came forward claiming a thirteen year extramarital affair with Presidential candidate Herman Cain ..

  Cain’s campaign advisors are trying to discredit the validity of her revelation by stating she has a repeated history of financial problems .. Now you tell me what the hell that has to do with the price of eggs in China ?

  If she had problems making her rent payments she surely must be lying about Herman’s indiscretions ?… I can’t connect those dots ..  so , if a single woman struggles with the outrageous cost of living , she is assumed to also be an habitual liar ?.. Amazing logic ! …Money makes you credible !  Barney Madoff  is doing time for his honesty..

  Cain is of the opinion , ” the best defense is an aggressive offense ” .. sling mud in all directions in order to deflect meaningful accusations .

  I know nothing about Ginger White or her current motivation , but the fact that she has fewer assets than Herman Cain does NOT make her less believable in my eyes.. in fact , it could mean she has fewer reasons to lie ! …Just saying !

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 Miss Kitty made it through surgery without further complications.. She spent the evening sitting on a large feather pillow watching the sexual exploits of Herman Cane become public knowledge on national news.

  A tear came to her eye as she reflected on a similar history ..The late night rendezvous on the secluded roof are now ancient history , romantic adventures under the porch are just fleeting memories.  Like Herman , her extramarital affairs have led to this untimely shame , and like the promiscuous instincts of the feline’s inclination , Herman now needs to be neutered .

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Truth or dare …..

 Did my eyes deceive me or was that  San Diago’s field-goal kicker , Nick Novak , taking a leak on the side-lines during the Denver game yesterday ?… It certainly appeared his coach was holding a towel to block the view from television cameras while he releaved himself on the turf right next to the Gatorade…. a camera that did NOT give up easily.. He candidly  ” went ” world-wide but I’ve not read or heard a word concerning this unprecedented bathroom debacle. Should he get a “pass” or the ” boot” for his public exhibition ?

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