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Archive for April, 2011

 I was on my third cup of Maxwell House and equally as many cigarettes on the back porch , when I experienced this urge to tag base with cousin Herkie ..

  I caught him mid-bite at IHOP , savoring his Canadian ham and poached eggs .. He reported a distinct improvement in surroundings and cuisine over his usual place at the counter of Moocher’s breakfast… Peaceful serenity …. good service … tasty morsels and no overpowering odor of garlic..

  He was ingesting strength for today’s marathon mission. The Germanfest congregation demands tons of boiled Shrimp for lunch and Fried Catfish for the evening meal.. Herkie”s earthly calling is to oblige them… ” Get’er Done ”

  He told of last night’s dinning experience at a plush steakhouse in Weatherford ..succulent steak and a salad-bar from here to yonder.. Every conceivable herb and oil , vast selection of fresh vegetables , mushrooms and cheeses ,  unlimited choices of hot-breads or gourmet crackers … much like the salad-bar of yesterday that once delighted the patrons of Prime Cut.. the one beneath the blue tarp out back .. the one of Brasher’s recent memory ! It’s still available in Weatherford …so Herkie said !

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 El Nino winds blow relentless across the Texas mid-section… capturing the ever increasingly inebriated refrains from Bob Will’s birthplace and whisking them off across the heartland of America.

  Folks from as far away as Kansas and Chicago reportedly hear unfamiliar lyrics blowing across their inhabitants .. Alcohol distorted songs of strange and unfamiliar places … tunes of Faded Love and Ida Red gaining free passage on the wings of El Nino..

   There in the concrete canyons of the windy city, in a Chicago courtroom, Blagojevich faintly heard some hayseed yell on words of the wind… Take it away Jay Goober !

   The gavel fell…..Gober was cited for contemptuous singing , by proxy…

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 Discontent and division lend credence to the unstable atmosphere encompassing the once static nations of the Middle East.  For decades upon decades , ruthless dictators have held the thumb of repression on most Islamic nations throughout  Africa and their Arabic neighbors ..

  Seems now a symphony of choreographed malcontents has swept that region like the flames of an unyielding prairie fire. ..Nation after nation follow inward upheaval as momentum grows for civil war throughout the oppressed region.. It’s like the spirit of a greater power has given birth to unrest in millions of people simultaneously..

  That same spirit of divisiveness has washed ashore on America .. partisan division…religious division …moral and ethical division .. cultural division .. class division .. and a few residual remnants of racial division..

  The spirit of arrogance and aggression sweeps over the four corners of the globe… Men cry for peace , but there is no peace to find .. except where most refuse to look , at the feet of a risen Savior ..

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   In an effort to help my peers understand the evening news cast , I comprised this list of English terms for my local constituents …

   Unfamiliar British jargon:

Duchess of Cambridge… Maidens from the Boston area ..

 Tiara … second cousin to Shenequa and Kanesha

 Buckingham…. pig hit by high voltage poker..

 West Minster…. preacher from west-side Baptist

  Wales …. big big really big fish.. (plural )

  Coat of arms …. winter garment for octopus

   Archbishop…Methodist preacher at Mc Donald’s drive-thru

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  Tom’s receiving threats of a German boycott and worse , since posting his sign stating all the advantages of Prime-Cut steaks over the sand-blasted bratwurst of western Cooke County.. His e-mail is swamped with vindictive verbiage from East Germany..

  Wind gusts are expected to reach 50 mph this afternoon as neighboring squares attempt applying mustard and kraut to their main entre of sand covered sausage .. meanwhile ,  partakers of rare beef and long-stem glasses of red wine need not concern themselves with chasing their bonnet at the wind-break sanctuary of Prime-Cut Steakhouse..

   Call ahead for reservations , many of those wind-blown sauerkraut patrons are destined to double back …

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 Seriously… Is Donald Trump , Mitt Romney , and Newt the best possible choices that the G.O.P. has to offer for presidential prospects ?  Surely somewhere in the vast expanse between two oceans , there lies a gem of conservative patriotism who is more interested in the preservation of our nation than feeding his own ego… more interested in the nation’s economy than extending his own personal wealth…more interested in the people of this great nation than gaining fame and influence on capital hill ..  Surely there is one patriot between Seattle and Key West with credentials to turn this nation around.

   I’m tired of the status quo …empty promises .. reckless spending ..political correctness .. global apologies .. unethical behavior … catering to the vocal minority… pork-fat and obvious partisan bull- $#!+…

    We’re going down the pea-trap while our two-party system votes billions in aid to the Palestinians and themselves another pay raise .. God help us !

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Yaaaaawn…..

 I missed the royal wedding , but in retrospect I think I paid my proper respects… I stumbled off to the bathroom about the time the prince and his chosen bride were scheduled to exchange their nuptial vows …  I stood silent before the porcelain throne for a minute , then after completing my humble tribute ,  in the spirit of a true Brit , I took the chrome handle in hand and gave it a Royal Flush..

   I later learned that the Prince had kissed the Princess on the veranda …in front of thousands of spectators .. is nothing sacred anymore ?

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