Archive for November, 2009

false advertising…

  prime-cut’s big-buck contest has taken a turn for the worse…..mistakenly advertised by this sportsman’s media as a deer-hunter’s competition….. turn’s out it is a  “Big Rack contest “, not a big-buck contest… having little to do with seasonal hunter’s… it’s an olympic caliber pageant of exhibitionist’s bar-maids and proud patrons…. my mistake !

  three camouflaged hunter’s thus far have dragged boone and crockett deer carcasses through the front entrance only to discover a wet t-shirt contest under way…..pandemonium and mass confusion in the prime-cut winner’s circle….as multiple contestant’s ( both male and female ) claim the two hundred dollar prize….. judge Brady’s decision is final … get those stinking deer outa here !


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all aboard !

  just got word from chipper and steevie , they safely arrived in rusk….. they’re due to board the steam train today for a ride through the piny woods to palestine….. only one problem…. the train company is sponsoring a  “polar express” experience for kid’s , where the travelers wear their pajama’s and drink hot-chocolate and cookies during the trip….

   well, chipper and steevie sleep commando so they don’t own pajama’s…. instead they’re gonna ride in their ostrich house-shoes and under-wear… (bear-tracks)….certainly should be a memorable experience for impressionable kid’s and their terrified mother’s… they’ll be scared for life …. years of therapy can’t erase those gordo  dunlap images from their innocent juvenile minds…

    the Polar Express streaker’s could end up in the rusk state hospital for the sexually revolting…..

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long time leaving

  chipper quietly unloaded the motor home albatross on some unsuspecting client from east africa… after many months on the auction block , the big beaver finally left town earlier this week… driven by a ubangee native with a three-tooth smile (plate-lips ) and a musk-ox leg-bone lodged through his nose… he looked like a natural ringer for the previous owner… moose-lodge bumper sticker and exhaust system log- chain still in place…..

   chipper took the money and immediately left town under the cover of darkness…. down to rusk for a few days… til the Ugandan native clears port…..

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devine definition

   state and federal government’s continue their deliberate effort to alter the meaning for the celebration of Christmas…. from grace demonstrated by God towards man , by the birth of Jesus Christ as a means of redemption and salvation…… to man’s generosity to man !

  misguided arrogance of secular congressmen, and obvious apathy displayed by those claiming to be devout Christians , facilitate the movement to alter the definition of Christmas….by changing laws to disallow public displays of Christian signs or symbols on government property…and unacceptable mention of a sovereign God or His sacrificial Son in any public forum….

  we are all aware of retailers effort to enter code words into the Christmas celebration vocabulary…… words like (Holiday )or (Season) remain neutral in what was historically designed to be a celebration of the birth of Christ….not at all of man’s devotion to family or man’s sacrificial gift to man….

  here is a dramatic revelation to all who choose to celebrate this Holiday Season… it’s about Christ and His birth….not about giving , or retail profits….or political correctness… or consideration for Islam… it’s a celebration of Jesus ! …a day near and dear to all who believe in the VIRGIN-BIRTH of the KING OF KINGS… JESUS CHRIST our Lord and Savior….

  if you refuse to believe or acknowledge the existence of Christ , then create your own day for exchanging gifts…. maybe in june or septemer, but leave the Christian’s most religiously significant and meaningful day alone… without Christmas , there would be no Easter , no hope of eternal life , and therefore no reason for pagan’s to object…..

  i don’t spend much time planning a trip to mecca , but i certainly don’t attempt to eliminate that secular destination from our vocabulary… or object to Islam or pagan’s right to celebrate what they wish….it’s irrelevant to me…. i’m a born again Christian.. i  celebrate December 25th… Christmas… not man-mas or me-mas or islamamas… it’s Christmas !

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Noel and Low Voltage

 originally i thought that colorful glow in the western skies was the setting of the evening sun , or perhaps an alaskan type aroboraellis….but further investigation revealed the fenotee fantasy of light’s at the o’neal hilton were responsible for both the western light glow and the low-voltage  slump at my house…

    i’ll now need to rise fifteen minutes earlier on workdays to allow time for my toaster to brown some bread …. coffee perks at a snail’s pace and light fixtures have faded to kerosene lamp status…… forget the electric razor , it just bog’s down from lack of voltage…blue-bell is meltin…bologna is beginning to thaw…..all available electrons are summoned to the democratic Christmas light display across the field at tommy o’neal’s   , leaving me literally in the dark ! 

    thankfully , my laptop has a battery back-up , else the blog would be stifled til after new year’s…

    flashlights required for my multiple nightly prostrate pit-stops……all so tom can wallow in the extravagance of the millionaire’s fantasy Christmas….aaaah the sacrifices of the common-folk go without notice while tom lives like a hollywood star , wearing mule-blinders and dark shades just to sleep midst his wonderland of lights…..

  if you have problems finding his place out on fenotee road , just follow the red hot power-lines overhead… his meter is hotter’n a ford-falcon brake drum on the down side of pike’s peak…

  Merry Christmas to all you guy’s over at Wise Electric….. Tom’s single-handedly paying for your best holiday ever ! …..  bill gate’s could’nt pay his light bill ! …..and you can’t buy a pair of sox on what’s trickling through my meter   !

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fabio fred…

 a quick trip to the ultimate store for a bag of ice yielded much more than beverage compliments…. the place was buzzing with romantic accounts of forgetful fred’s love life….

  seems his recent work-out regiment has resulted in much more than weight loss and buff appearance….he’s found a new reason to pump-iron…. he’s discovered a physical attraction to the opposite sex…. not women in general , but one in particular !.. fred’s in love….

  he’s dating some fair maiden from parts unknown… but brady’s work schedule for fred is in direct conflict with his aspirations of love….

  forgetful fred is troubled by the age old problem faced by pasture jacks since romeo and juliet ….. you can’t actively pursue matters of the heart if you work 24-7 …. you can’t afford courtship without some form of gainful employ…. he’s striving for balance , but the slave-driver in charge of fred’s work schedule is unsympathetic to his condition of rut…..no compassion for love-struck employee’s or his marital future…

   speaking as a man who’s professional career has been a bit flighty… i’d say to  my old pal fred…. job’s are much easier to find and easier to keep than the woman who has obviously stolen your heart…. follow your feelings… be vulnerable…. file unemployment on brady o’neal and court your heart-throb while the sun is shining on your life…. go for the gusto !

   you can always plead temporary insanity to brady o’neal when she kicks you to the curb next month… meanwhile , reap the harvest of seeds sown during the dream’s of your youth…. you remember those dreams?…… soapy shower …slick shave ..shined shoe’s and ask’em !!!

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black friday

 i spent black-friday in the no-smoking confines of ed’s company truck… first to buffalo-springs to estimate the cost of a windmill job over a dug well full of tin-cans and wire…(reasonable bid )… hourly rate plus the deed to the farm…

     then a hundred miles in the opposite direction… through rosston and the rosston general store…. sure enough billy bell was there… i waded through a six-pack of cokes and multiple marlboro’s while ed listened to all those horse-shoeing stories for the fifteenth time… then further east to the valley of the shadow of death , for the life threatening job of chlorine bottle exchange… (hazardous duty pay )… more treacherous than retrieving downed doves for tank dow….more dangerous than riding tail-gunner in the night-crawler’s air force…

  lunch was mooched at the wild-west cafe downtown sanger tx….. meatloaf.. red beans… mashed potato’s and tea…. i got the tip ! …ed got the shaft…..

  then off to the largest out-fitter in all america…cabela’s…north ft.worth.. where the one-hundred acre parking lot proved inadequate for black-friday shopper’s.. there was fewer folks at jesse jackson’s million man march…throngs of people packed the isles..the stairway..the restrooms and the check-out….total grid-lock !

  the waiting area to fill-out background check information for fire-arms purchases was as packed as anyplace in the store… based on gun and ammo purchases you’d think a Glenn Beck mooslim revolution was slated for tomorrow…..maybe even Armageddon…

   finally claustrophobia , nicotine withdrawal ,  and aching feet drove me to the exterior smoker’s bench where i smoked a half-pack and let my feet laugh , while waiting for ed to emerge from the blackness of jet black friday….baah-hum-bug !

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