high bid…

 wall to wall people and chamber of commerce weather visited the dispersal auction of the estate of Albert and Margret Fenoglio in Montague on Saturday… throngs of folks stood in line to register for the auction , then stood for hours as pieces of memorabilia items , farming equipment , household goods , tools , etc. sold to the highest bidder…

  sale goer’s were totally unaware of the depressed american economy as montague county bidder’s showed no sign of financial shortages…300 plus registered bidders scrambled for the final bid on hundreds of items ranging from five dollars to thirty thousand … Kennedy and i shared a common number and shared common reservations concerning our willingness to raise the hand…  He did muster three consecutive , conservative , bids on a bat-wing mower before getting left in the dust by deeper pockets and more agile arms… he snoozed, he loozed !

  i watched in silence thinking this was the end result of two dedicated lives.. albert and margret worked harder than most to accumulate a plethora of earthly possessions… being dispersed at break-neck speed.. to the highest bid ! …seems an unpleasent end to relentless labor and meticulous management… momentary dismantling of the lives of two industrious folks…

   a pretty good picture of our temporary journey through this life…you leave this planet with the exact same thing you brought… nothing ! …. that’s what kennedy and i took home today !

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pan-handle pandemonium

 this special edition blog is written exclusively for the monday morning quarter-back’s meeting at mooches newly renovated camp-fire coffee shop and brisket brothel in down town nocona…. i tried telling you good’ol boys how friday night’s game would play out… but a select group of anvil-heads (henley and the mayor ) held out hope that the two-shirt’s grandson would single handedly pull off another miracle ….

  like uncle melvin’s book cover said , this soil will grow grapes…. but turned out it was bitterly sour grapes for the sweaters and under achievers at Henry’s old pan-handle station…your best laid game plan ran amuck !  …..you boys should spend more time studying your foot-ball lesson…less time solving the world economic problems and drinking ninety weight coffee for hours on end…….. be more like little  danny and bill staley ,  when all else fails , …..bribe the referee’s…

   i opted to listen  to the game broadcast live on the new internet website…(www.kntxradio.com )… the usual announcer , weber , was in lubbock …..so some substitute disc-jockey ( jackie-B ) gave it his best shot…. he did very well the first half… not extremely knowledgable about the game , but managed to keep us posted on what was happening until the half…. he was freezing to death , so disappeared to the concession stand for a cup of coffee.. abandoned his post for hot coffee..

  the guy at the studio in bowie was as surprised as any that the adolescent d.j. just laid his mike down and left…. he played records til the kid came back….

  then five minutes into the third quarter, apparently the coffee had been processed…he disappeared again… laid the mike down and left !   we could still hear the crowd noise in the background , but had no idea who had the ball or what was going on… after a few minutes of that the bowie studio came on to say jackie-b was missing in action… they tried calling him on the cell phone , played a few more golden-oldies , then returned to apologise… they said this was jackie B’s first game commentary , and simultaneously his last… he never returned… finally they just abandoned the broadcast all together… score at that time was 14-7 bowie… i went to bed !   today’s report from game-goers said the final was  34-14 bowie…. i wouldn’t know…

  remember KBAN also gave us colorful disc jockeys like Billy Etter.. Susan Story.. and our old favorite Wassy Reynolds… i recall it being pretty candid at times , but they never abandoned ship like Jackie B….

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fax fiasco….

 some warped individual is sending photo-fax copies of my senior yearbook pictures over the water-company fax machine… no cover sheet… no return address… just black and white renditions of forty years ago….perposterious alterations with a black crayola ….for two days now !

   but i suspect it’s a short trip across the free-way from short jone’s roost … if the influx of detremental majic-marker enhanced photo’s continue , i’ll be forced to contact saddie huddleston about the infraction on shortfellow’s public image ! she’ll be quick to defend my honor … squelch the smear tactic from across 287 ….

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game day

  the county wide football rivalry of north texas is slated for tonight… i’m talking major tradition… when coach keck and his indian braves go on a rabbit hunt…. Nocona and Bowie have played this grid iron grudge match since the county surveyor , Daniel Montague , wore number 6 for Nocona….back in 1858…. bowie stomped nocona 21-0 that year , and a rivalry was born.. …#6  had butter-fingers… poss prible played quarterback and chipper’s grandpaw (panty-waist walker ) played second string…..it was a great year for bowie as they went on to win the world championship , defeating  boo-boo australia in the world series of football…

   my great great grand-dad , george washington carter , played wide receiver on that championship team… he was the tallest man on the squad ,  stood like a tree at seven foot four… but he had a fetish for short (spinner type)  cheer-leader women , ended up married to a midget from barnham and bailey…. and like post-mortum paul , you know the rest of the story….

    anyhow see ya tonight on the grid iron…. bring lots of band-aids and a steptic pencil… the mighty rabbits are coming to town….i’m talking to kennedy and the stamp-licker…get  (art-the-fart ) penaluna suited up !

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i got the bone ….

                 when guy friends do something exceptionally thoughtful for you , be skeptical , be very skeptical …

    ed , beemer , and tommy o’neal ventured down to the decatur branch of the BIG bank for lunch today , on special invitation from the oklahoma loan officer…. i reluctantly had to stay at the plant and work… dined on a cold biscuit and tators …. but requested a go-plate from my coveted comrades …

   long about one o’clock they showed up , back at the water plant with two rounded plates covered with aluminum foil…. all smiles !…. they said mickey-foghorn , and big-boy the repo man , had sent a care package of ribs….. they smelled wonderful…  said the top plate was for carolyn’s supper , the other was mine to enjoy……i fought the water-plant stray dog off with one leg while balancing the two stacked plates in one hand , long enough to get inside… where i innocently stuck the plates in the fridge til time to go home at four…..

    fifteen minutes later , the phone rang…. it was ed wanting to know how i liked the ribs…… a suspicious light bulb flashed in my head… why all the background giggles on the phone ? and why was he calling to see how i liked mickey foghorn’s ribs ?

   immediate refrigerator investigation indicated i’d done the wrong thing by fending the dog off the plate….. he knew all along it was nothing but ravaged rib bones and were indeed his to claim…. there was not enough meat left on the tooth-scared bones to render a bowl of soup….they brought me their freakin left over bones !

    curses… i’ve been fenoglioed again !  how many times can they bait a trap with ribs or that other stuff , before i get wise ?  ….at least five times that i can readily remember ! ……and who is this mickey foghorn guy , or big boy the repo man ? …. were they part of this dastardly scam ?  …..i would have never suspected beemer or the oklahoma loan officer…

    rosco , the water plant dog stood in bewildered amazement when i opened the front door and slung twenty pounds of bones on the lawn…. he thought it was christmas…. i thought it was trick-or-treat !

  pay backs are hell … and i’m madder’n chipper bout the whole bogus rib-bone deal…..

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case closed

    looks like chipper has been drinking coffee with his evening meal again… wound tighter than becky holland’s panty hose… a virtual tsunami of irrational comments and left-wing opinions… he obviously should run for public office considering that unsolicited gift of gab… maybe on the moo-slum ticket …

   he’s down on the meskins… the mooslums … the italians…. the french… the germans and short legged americans… he’s agin’er … agin everything and everybody that don’t put nickles in his overall’s pocket… needs to attend uncle grumpy’s anger management class….

    i think if traveling the world in a three hundred thousand dollar motor home left me that ill tempered , i’d try staying home for a while , maybe get a job…. do something constructive out at the Caterpillar reject dealership…. wait a minute…. that’s it ! ….the caterpillar stationery came from chipper !… he’s the daddy of the anonymous hate-mail !……. case solved…

 P.S.  back off on the comments there chipper… my computer is startin to smoke…

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the king of dairy queen…

  the high point of my torpid tuesday was having lunch with the big-bank president… ( Hooty )…exotic menu selections based on taste and preference rather than price… i had the bacon cheese burger with jalapeno’s and mushrooms.. completely out of my league  ! …extravagant display of wealth and influence.. all secured with a plastic card !

   another benefit i immediately noticed was the friendly nature of passers-by.. folks who usually don’t recognize me from charles manson were stopping off to chat … gaining favor… suckin up to the big bank banker and all who were dining at his table …  i rudely brushed them off as though i was a legitimate member of the inner circle…

   if there should ever be such a thing as reincarnation , which i seriously doubt , i’d like to come back as a high-rollin bank president … wealth , power , influence , respect , monogrammed golf clubs…and the company credit-card !   i also noticed when the soda-jerk clerk asked… wanta super-size that ?… hoot said yes without so much as hesitation … it was an embarrassing display to say the least …but i laid behind the log  while she rung up our total bill… no tellin what it cost !

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trick or treat

you remember Rodney Carrington’s hilarious hit song     ” i think i’m dancing with a man ”          well  our liberal president is signing legislation that would make it a hate crime offense to deck a cross-dresser that successfully fakes you out….

   it’s far worse , under proposed american law , to punch a queer or he/she  than a dedicated O.U. fan… you can’t dot their eye for unwarranted advances like in days of old… no more cat-calls or cold-hearted rejection of a six foot dude with five o’clock shadow and capri pants ….you can’t be rude to the perverted… it’s their inherent right to be queer…

   does the term ( pursuit of happiness ) include limitless unencumbered perversions as well ?… obviously obama thinks it does …

  next time your in a dimly lighted bar-room dance hall , exercise extreme caution before asking some unfamiliar flower to dance ! … it might just be some newly liberated dudette with a hidden agenda under that slinky dress…. whatever you do don’t hit him , you could end up in gitmo !

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C.S.I. noble road….

  the recent dust-up with a disgruntled reader led me to re-scrutinize some of my most inflammatory hate-mail…  while sifting through a stack of closet boxes , i think  i’ve found a common thread … a pattern.. a common denominator… all but a few of the most aggressive rants were written on Caterpillar stationery…. rambling incoherent  essays….on and on unrelated subject matter……is this coincidence or perhaps a common link ?

  bulk rate postage , mis-spelled words , and sloppy penmanship leave me clueless … i reflect on only a couple of dozer operators in my sorted past…one of which has a Fiat , the other a Terex …no Cat !

   Caterpillar’s main office is in Decatur Illinois… i’ve never even been there ….and haven’t worked in road construction in thirty years… if you know any cheap-skate who would use complimentary envelopes from motel-six and Caterpillar letter-head stationery, help me smoke this goon out … he’s unstable !

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romance novel

  parting is such sweet sorrow , but today at the first glimmer of light , rice-rocket randy and his adopted family of Stella and the wild kitty kitty , headed west for tucumcari …. his goat herding woman is hotter than the pepper patch in the blazing new mexico sun…… she’s killed the fatted goat in anticipation of his arrival….he’s headed into the sunset with a glimmering smile fixed permanently on his face…. bidding farewell to Montague county and the multitude of prickers that dwell here !

   shortly before leaving the italian hospitality of montague , he forcefully ripped all the rear-view mirrors off that shoe-box sion… vowing to never look back… ! …he’s danny done with the class-mates of old , and all the red-necks that made his life miserable while camping here…

  stella made defiant duty on ed’s dusty drive way… rice rocket spat victoriously on the ground…. he kicked the dust of his shoes…..they drove west into a bitter-sweet life with the goat-lady… eating cabrito and goat’s milk custard…in tucumcari… …. he left no forwarding address !

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