Again I weaseled in on a tic-toc gathering of the Muskrat Shrine last night .. The second time in as many years I’ve gained unauthorized entry with a bogus press-pass furnished by one of their own..

     Thanks Sonny . Though I missed seeing you and the bride at last  night’s gala affair , I credit you with the counterfeit pass that enabled me to attend this secret meeting …  Thus this factual account of happenings from within the fortress ..

  Again the vast number of Shriners was astounding .. again the food was marvelous and the music was undeniably Texas .

  I  was privileged to meet many masonic acquaintances from years past, including a few wandering Okies , and stumbled headlong into a few unfamiliar readers of Montague County Moments..

   Rick and I were seated with our backs to the wall , consuming ribs and hominy casserole ,when a guy from across the room approached as though he knew us … Turned out he knew Rick and introduced himself to me as a regular reader of the blog.

  The music was loud and the floor was covered to capacity with dancers of varying talents .. The new acquaintance said his name was Mark Lawyer and he is a professional baker , or he said his name was Baker and he’s a professional lawyer ..I couldn’t hear.. Either way , he requested I not mention his name on the blog … I smiled and said of course I won’t !….

  Apparently he ain’t been reading the blog very long !.. He never said if he was trifling on his wife , or AWOL from some distant baking assignment but his body language indicated he might actually be a lawyer named Baker rather than a baker named Lawyer.. either way , he was undeniably Yankee , but a friendly one..

  I later witnessed a secluded couple out on the beer-garden , he was smoking a big stogie or a blackened section of shovel handle and sipping on Maker’s Mark .She was longingly gazing into his smoke-filled eyes … It was dark and cold as a mother-in-law’s kiss , but they had mysteriously chosen this time and place to renew their wedding vows.. this moment was unorthodox even by Montague County standards ,but unbelievably tender.. I joined them in smoking a toast to their happiness and quickly located the exit .

  Big Chicken was tipping large , from what appeared to be a roll of green Charmin , defiantly produced from his front pants pocket . Danica was all smiles , well mostly , she was mostly smiles but not ALL .

  I was witness to terms unfamiliar in all my years of professional journalism .. Rick was quick to point out the illustrious potentate and a seven-foot Oriental …there was Jaspers and Gestures and Convee drivers.. guess he didn’t realize I don’t speak Masonic. I just smiled and said, I knew that !

   Baccus seemed to be having a good time drinking and dancing with light-footed wife , til a quarter til nine ! ….The I noticed him digging into his shirt pocket for a little blue pill .. I was thinking it was probably Advil , but Rick insisted it was a crutch to counteract terminal low-tea ..

  There’s still some unanswered question … Like when will Beemer feel well enough to forward the pictures ..? why did Dan continuously cross the street to Pete’s complex and back again ?  What’s the real reason for Goober’s return to Graham last night , and why did Rick say those seven guys from Oklahoma were all brothers ? They introduced themselves to me , each had different last names !   Strange bunch these Shriners,  but they do savor a good time , good music , good food and other people’s booze !

  They are secretly planning a come-back… an attempt at restoration of respect after the Nuther Brother suffered resounding defeat in Montague County two summers ago , at the hands of multiple Fenoglio’s.

   Brian Jones , master chef for Select of Cooke County , took the gold in East Germany ( Lindsey ) with his patented chili recipe last week … His plethora of trophy’s and prizes are proudly displayed at the Brick-Street Bar and Grille . He stole his recipe from Chuck-Chuck the Woodchuck then polished it to perfection ..

   Rickey Lewis is melting ribs as we speak …fussing and fretting over temperature and strategic placement , mopped sauce and proper ventilation… He’s serving up his patented Best BBQ at Daddy Sam’s tonight ..  He may not be featured in Texas Monthly , but he darned well could be !

  She’s now in Doggie E.R. ,  awaiting anesthesia and the vet’s subsequent manuever to put her hip back in place ..then being fitted with stabilizing sling to prevent reoccurrence to the unfortunate injury.   Pain pill prescriptions and return in six weeks for re-evaluation…eeeeeech-e-wawa !

  Carolyn’s seeing hearts … I’m seeing dollar signs .. The cost of this uninsured injury is equivalent to open-heart surgery at the Mayo Clinic …

  There goes ten barrels of oil from Ruby # 1′s  monthly production, and what’s left of the vanishing Blue-Bell ice cream.. 

   I’m busted out worse than Mandy’s hip .. What about some well deserved sympathy for me !   I’ll take two scoops of home-made vanilla and a  ”thank you very much !”….  Let the dog-fight resume !

 Add some color to your otherwise drab existence , stop by Ed’s for doughty biscuits and red-eye gravy while listening to the pre-game show of outright lies and second-hand prevarication..

   Both grooms are expected to wear white flowing gowns and limp wrists , with lace garters and silk unmentionables to the private double ring ceremony at  Jaquee’s Hair Salon and Movie Production Co. of San Fransisco.. Rather than the more traditional wedding march , a soft rendition of “I think I’m dancing with a man ” will play continuously through out the marital fiasco ..

   The bride’s registry will be located on Isle 6 at Tractor Supply, right next to the freakishly perverted wedding gifts and home-cleaning products .

   The gay couple will spend a honey-moon week of intimately wicked and indescribably perverted activity while basking in the privacy of a side-street motel in Via Acuna Mexico ..

    Suffice it to say.. Barney’s frank , and Jim’s ready …

  Even if you’re not a cowboy or never owned a horse , you’ll love listening to these talented guys sing spiritual songs of inspiration prior to Pastor Joe Caballero’s devotional message… Be there ! God will richly bless you in both song and message ..

  Making memories in Aug. 2006 … Mary and I had just finished a cigarette out behind the hanger..

  ( no smoking on Chipper’s flight )

  Number one took his maiden voyage in a Cessna after Chipper conducted a security check , looking for contraband cigarettes, and conducting his ritual 30 minute flight check before take-off ..

   Ray was always anxious to introduce some willing soul to the sport he dearly loved .. wonder how many took their first flight from Ray Walker International Airport with Chipper at the throttle . I don’t know what fuel cost per gallon , but he burned a bunch just flying his friends around .

   Wish he was still giving rides , so I could once again slam the door and receive a boisterous lecture on proper aviation techniques and uneducated red-necks ..I miss that big-dummie !

  The added weight of his prey made flight difficult . He struggled to stay airborne for a few yards before landing again in the middle of the road.. I approached closer in an attempt to identify what varmint was in his grasp ..

  The blinding headlights startled the owl but still failed to adequately illuminate the black victim in his talons . Soon my proximity to the scuffle prompted the owl to release his grasp on whatever … The owl took flight headed north , and much to my surprise , whatever he had chosen for breakfast took flight headed south ..

   I was unable to determine if the victim was a huge crow , a hawk , a buzzard , or perhaps even a turkey.. but whatever it was, was black and rather large , and hell-bent on making an exit in the opposite direction ..

  I still don’t know whose life I saved at five-fifteen , but that’s just one of the things I enjoy about living in the boonies .. You never know what’s gonna happen or what privileged moment of nature you may witness..

  All interested parties are cordially invited to share our blessed Sunday service with friends and families of current and past members.. Make this a glorious day for Jean’s Bible Class.. join us and Teacher Tommy Lamascus as we worship and study God’s Holy written word .

   Come early for hot-coffee and warm conversation..

 through sleepless nights of fresh bedside tears.

 The words she most dreaded to reluctantly hear,

 The Lord’s quickly coming cause  ” WalMart’s got beer ..”

Shelf after Shelf of the devil’s own brew ,

 Standing like soldiers , just waiting for you !

 With colorful labels disquising what’s true ,

 It’s misery and heartache comes shinning on through ..

 Her heartfelt words fell short on deaf ears ,

  as grown Baptist boys rejoiced in good cheer .

They’re manning their trucks from far and from near..

Great day in the morning , now  ” Walmart’s got beer “